My mother has always been woman of action. As an 18-year-old newlywed, she walked into a furniture store with $300 dollars of wedding gift money. She walked out with a three-piece bedroom set, mattress, box springs, dinette table/chairs and a pair of end tables.

As she tells it: “Your father and I started out with absolutely nothing, so my mind was made up:  I had to get the most that I could for that $300. I just kept asking that salesman ‘Is that the best you can do?’ So you see, it can be done, you just need to set your mind to it.” Setting one’s mind to “get it done” has been one of my mother’s many life lessons to me. She believes that willpower (and a good dose of “people skills”) will take a person a long way in life.

Like many women, lessons from my mother have occurred in many ways an in many places.  Oddly enough, the furniture from her newlywed days has come along for the ride as well.  Like the “traveling pants” of the sisterhood, that 3-piece bedroom set that she negotiated with “Frantic Frank” all those years ago has been a backdrop against which my most memorable lessons have been drawn.

Those hard woods have witnessed many a mother-daughter conversation about life’s aspirations. When I was a teen the bedroom set stood sentinel to my fretful pleas: “I’m scared. Should I take the leap?” Mom unerringly supported me with, “What’s the worst they could say? They’ll say ‘no’. Would that be so bad?” Her attitude helped me see that daring to step out of my comfort zone wasn’t a huge deal. It was part of life.

My mother also supported my dreams. Whenever I would share a new opportunity that I’d been presented, her first reaction was always “Oh honey, how exciting; that sounds wonderful!!” Never was this more apparent than when I took my first job in Milwaukee after college. There were no tears from her, no unspoken recriminations for moving six hours away. She put my dream—to be a career woman—first. She and my dad helped me pack and sent me on my way . . . with their bedroom set. It had resided in my parents’ room for nearly twenty years and now it was bequeathed to me, on the move, ready to provide rest for a young woman starting out on her own.

And now, I’m a mother.  The end tables and dinette from the 1960’s are long gone, but the bedroom set remains, steadfast in its support of the joys and sorrows of life. It lives on in my daughter’s room, now refurbished in child-friendly maple laminate counter tops and darling bun feet. It sits, as it has in the past, witnessing the dreams of an upcoming generation. I pass by my daughter’s bedroom and hear my mother, who is visiting from out-of-town: “Who cares how you dress?” It’s who you are in the inside that counts, honey. You can be anything you want to be.  . .” And so it continues . . . the next chapter of the motherhood story  . . . passing on encouragement, daring young girls to dream and most of all to do.

Mother’s Day is this weekend. I’ll visit with my mom, who lives a few hours away. As we often do these days, we’ll reminisce. Who knows, maybe the “traveling bedroom set” will show up in an anecdote or two. No matter what, I’ll be sure to give thanks to the woman who dared to me be bold and to do what it takes to make dreams come true.

This post was inspired by the book Dare, Dream Do, by Whitney Johnson.

Discussion: If you enjoyed this post and want to share stories of your aspirations and achievements, please leave a comment: how did a significant woman in your life dare you to dream?

Do you live in West Michigan? I invite you to a Dare, Dream Do meet-up in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Click here for details.

This past weekend, my daughter and I spent some time in her room sorting through books she no longer reads. We had three piles: Keep, Donate and Memories. The “Memories” books would be put into storage—they no longer were age-appropriate, but they held sentimental value. As we sorted books, our conversation went like this:

Me: “What category?”

Kid: “Donate.”

Me: <aghast> “What?! But honey, you used to love this book.”

Kid: <disdainfully> “Yeah, Mom, when I was like, THREE.”

My second grader was ready to move on. I was not.

It can be hard to know when to let go. Memories – and the emotions they evoke – are powerful forces for keeping us where we are.

Sometimes, it’s (relatively) easy to make the move – the eight-year-old no longer needs books designed for a preschooler. It was fun while it lasted, but she’s moved on. Now it’s time for her mother to do the same.

Other times, it’s a lot harder.

Are you thinking it it’s time to move on, but aren’t completely sure? Here are ten signs that may be time for you to put your current situation into a Memories box:

1. It’s not fun anymore.
2. You can’t find anything positive to say about the experience.
3. The people you used to enjoy now annoy you.
4. You’re starting to do subversive things like “forgetting” tasks, just to make it interesting and see who notices.
5. The work drains you.
6. You just don’t care, even though you should.
7. The financial benefit of staying doesn’t justify doing so.
8. You’re self-medicating.
9. You’re staying because the thought of leaving makes you feel guilty.
10. Everyone that you care about has already moved on.

There are probably a whole bunch of reasons you can use to convince yourself to stay, but keep this in mind: if you aren’t showing up with your best work, how is that a good thing? Nobody benefits from you hanging on to “what used to be”.  If you know that it’s time for you to make a move, do yourself and everybody around you a favor: make a plan for your exit.  There’s no need to jump ship tomorrow, but making that choice to move to a better place will give you courage to take the next step.

In making this plan, you will be a person of integrity who has set a course for new adventures. Moving on doesn’t mean you forget where you’ve been; it means you’ve given the past its rightful place in your life’s journey.

photo credit: istockphoto.com

This week marked the 13^th holiday party that I have coordinated or helped run at my kids’ elementary school. I’ve done ‘em all—Halloween, Thanksgiving Feasts, Winter Holidays, Valentines.  It was indeed “lucky number 13” because I realized something on my drive home from school on Valentine’s Day this year:

planning and running a classroom party is akin to being a project leader in the workplace.

Not convinced?

Read on and see just how you can turn those volunteer hours into a learning lab for your professional endeavors.

Personal influence is all you have to make it work. Let’s face it, as the Room Parent you have no real authority. The best you can hope for is that you have a reputation for organizing amazing parties for the kiddos and for being a fun parent to work with. Word gets around— the parents talk and your previous successes will help pave the way for future events. It’s the same for project managers; they have little or no title power. Project managers who use their influence wisely by leading with character and strong interpersonal skills will be the ones who have the most successful project launches.

Recruit the best team possible. This goes back to personal influence. If you’re seen as easy to work with and competent you’ll be able to attract the most talented people for the project. This is true whether you’re a Room Parent or Project Manager.

There’s no one “right” way to run a project. I’ve learned this by watching other Room Parents in action. Early on, I tended to privately scoff at parents who had a different organizational style than me. It’s easy to think that your own way of running the show is the best way. But the truth is, there’s more than one way to organize a classroom party and there’s certainly more than one way to run a company project. Be open to learning from other project managers.

Not all wheels need reinvention. One of the things I’ve learned in planning holiday parties is to take a really successful game and tweak it slightly so it seems different the following year. Rather than starting from scratch on each activity, it allows me time to focus on re-tooling the things that didn’t work the time before. In today’s corporate environment, there’s such a huge emphasis on innovation, it’s tempting to re-imagine every single thing, every single time. That’s not productive.

In the end, it all boils down to satisfied customers. With school parties, it’s very simple: did the kids have fun?  Of course, with project management, it’s much more complex, but the core is the same—did the project outcomes satisfy the customer? During the first few parties I organized, I used to fret about non-essential things.  I worried, was the event organized enough? Did everything come together perfectly? At some point, I finally realized what the core purpose of a school party was—to entertain elementary aged children. Once I got past that, I was able to let go of the extraneous stuff. In the same way, project managers who focus on their stakeholders’ needs are able to keep a balanced perspective of what needs to be done and can set the other “stuff” aside.

So the next time you’re asked to organize a gathering (kids’ party or otherwise), consider saying “yes”. Here’s why: not only will the party-goers have a great time, but you’re building your professional skills as well.

Last night after dinner my ten-year-old wiped out on his kick scooter after trying to do some new tricks. He has a nasty scrape and some serious bruises to show for his efforts, but is otherwise all in one piece. After inspecting our son’s injuries, Mr. People Equation informed me “That boy actually left some skin in his t-shirt, but thankfully, he’s young and resilient. I think his ego’s more bruised than his chest.”
 

Then my sage hubby intoned “And that is why old men don’t ride kick-scooters.”

I laughed and agreed that yeah, it’s probably not a real good idea for those of us of a certain age to hop on an unpredictable contraption like a scooter. Our bones aren’t as pliable as those of a grade-schooler. 

Interestingly, here’s what Mr. People Equation took from our son’s mishap: what we seasoned folks lack in quick healing, we make up for in know-how.  We learn when it’s wise to test out a new “trick” and when it’s best to leave it to let someone else give it a whirl.

How does this relate to being workplace savvy?

As I reflect on my career (now twenty-five years in the making), I can definitely see that the passage of time has helped me avoid too many serious wipeouts. The best teacher out there is certainly Experience and here’s what she’s taught me:

1. Trust your gut. If something doesn’t sound right to you, then it isn’t.

2. If you price it too low, chances are you’ll resent providing the service. And it will show.

3. The deal has to be good for everyone, or the relationship will eventually sour.

4. When you say “just this one time” to a customer (or employee, or your boss) you’ve just signaled your new boundaries. “Exceptions” to the rule are really just a new line in the sand, so only agree to something that you’ll be willing to do over and over again.

5. People make mistakes. Before you judge others too harshly for their actions, be sure yours are up to scrutiny.

6. Blaming others won’t get you anywhere. Neither will making excuses.

7. Professionalism never goes out of style.

8. It pays to be a good sport. (This one is courtesy of my mentor, Mary Urban Wright.)

9. If you’re going to be a good boss, you have to be willing to be a grown-up: check your ego and insecurities at the door.

Question: what has the teacher “Experience” taught you? Any life lessons learned that helped you avoid leaving some skin in your t-shirt?

Photo credit: istockphoto.com © Robert Dant

The kids and I were on our way to a Little League game the other day when I mentioned, “Hey guys, what do you think about making a list of things to do during your summer break?”

“You mean, like a Bucket List?” asked my son.

“That’s a great idea!” I exclaimed so on the first day of summer break, we created a Summer 2011 Bucket List. What I love about this list is that the kids didn’t see it as a “things to do before I die”, which is one commonly interpreted version of The List. Instead, it was more of a “these would be great things to learn/do this summer”. The timeline was less intimidating and the end result wasn’t death.

Their perspective really helped me reframe the way I look at bucket lists. I used to view the items on the list as once-in-a-lifetime accomplishments with a personal emphasis. Now, with this slight tweak in perspective, I realized that someone can have different types of bucket lists. . .and different time horizons in which to fill the bucket as well.

This line of thinking brings me to a new place altogether: The Career Bucket List.

It occurs to me that for most people, this particular bucket list likely has many check marks, as well as strikethroughs. Some of the “to do” items were accomplished (“gain supervisory experience”), others shelved (“attend the Thunderbird School of Management”) and still others remain on the list, as beacons of what can be (“start my own business”).

What does your Career Bucket List look like? Does it represent the work life you envisioned at the start of your career? Or something different altogether? In either case, does it represent you to your satisfaction? It’s not too late to modify your bucket list, or even create a new one altogether.

photo credit: itstockphoto.com

I’ve joined the ranks of TED aficionados.

Last Thursday, along with 599 other lucky people, I participated (on-site) in the first-ever TEDx event in Grand Rapids, Michigan. A TEDx event is a spin-off of the popular TED Conference. For those unfamiliar with TED, it’s a unique conference format designed around “riveting talks by remarkable people, free to the world”. The TED conferences are by invitation only and are a series of brief (20 minutes max) presentations, with people from very diverse viewpoints, cultural backgrounds and vocations spreading “ideas worth sharing”. Even though the live TED events are by invitation only, anyone can benefit by viewing the videotaped presentations on the TED website.

The TEDx Grand Rapids event was inspiring and thought-provoking.  In the spirit of passing along “ideas worth sharing” here are eight ideas that grabbed me. I’ll be chewing on these for awhile to come. Perhaps they’ll inspire or provoke you as well.

1. The only way to prepare for the future is to embrace uncertainty. Futurist Sheryl Connelly works for Ford Motor Company.  She observed that the things that surprise us the most are almost always things outside of our control— tsunamis, economic collapse, terrorist acts. As a futurist, she doesn’t predict the future, but rather she actively thinks about it and explores as many alternative scenarios as possible. Uncertainty is part of life. Exploring all possibilities will help us cope with it. 

• Who else in your life can help you think about your alternative scenarios?

2. In a video clip appearance, Chuck Saylor, founder and CEO of Izzy Plus talked about how he loved the job title “Chief Officer of Discovery”, saying that in order for creativity to flourish we must have “an insatiable desire for discovery.”

• What do we need to discover today?

3. Kids need social skills to succeed in the workforce. Mickey McManus shared how his company is working with at-risk inner city kids to help them regain the creativity that formal education has drilled out of them. He talked about how it’s important to focus on STEM (Science, Tech, Engineering, Math) and SEL – Social Emotional Learning.

• How can we build SEL into our workplace?
   

4. Grace under pressure will never go out of style. When Jeffrey Kimpton’s slide show went blank just moments into his presentation, he gamely persevered, giving visual descriptions of his slides as he spoke. The irony was not lost on the audience: Kimpton is president of Interlochen Center for the Arts, proving once again, that the show must go on.

• Has grace ever deserted you ? What can you learn from that situation?

5. We’re all curators. Filmmaker and author Steven Rosenbaum says that no amount of working harder or sleeping less is going to help us keep on top of mountains of data available. The only way to manage is to connect to good curators. Technology still hasn’t replaced the human mind when it comes to sorting through the clutter. The world needs thoughtful filters— and humans are still the best at figuring out what matters.

• What topics are you best suited to curate? Who can benefit from that expertise?

6. Get on with the show. Onstage TEDx Grand Rapids host Eric O’Brien proved that a pithy two-sentence intro that whets the audience’s appetite is really all you need to set up a good speaker. 

• In what areas of your life do you need to “get on with it?”

7. It’s OK to be the new kid on the block. West Michigan newcomer and TEDx Grand Rapids “architect” Steve Frazee gave a heart-felt, funny preso full of gratitude for the many people who made the event possible. As someone who just moved to the area 12 months ago, it’s amazing what he was able to instigate.

• In what ways might you be holding back because you’re not the “expert” on something?

8. Prepare to be changed. Truth be told, when cyborg musician Patrick Flanagan took the stage I wasn’t really expecting a whole lot because I’m not a big fan of tech-enhanced music. However, after a mere 30 seconds of listening to his mind-bending sounds, I was sitting there completely wrapped up in Patrick’s performance. I wasn’t alone. The amazement was palpable throughout the Grand Rapids Civic Theatre. And that’s when I finally “got” was TED is all about.  It’s about the unexpected. The miraculous. It’s about reshaping the way you see something. Or connecting with someone that’s outside of your everyday life.

• When was the last time you were amazed?

Those are my eight “aha moments” from the event. I’m so  grateful for this opportunity to pass along the “ideas worth sharing” that came from TEDx Grand Rapids. Do yourself a favor, if there’s a TEDx in your community, do your best to join in. You won’t be sorry.

May 19, 2011. Update: One of my fellow TEDx attendees Ben Rousch wrote an excellent post about ways he could have been better prepared for his TEDx experience. It’s a great reminder for anyone wanting to maximize a conference event. As a bonus, he highlights (with links) five other bloggers’ reactions to the event.

According to author Anya Kamenetz, people need to rethink mentoring. In the Fast Company article The Republic of Mentors, Kamenetz says,

We need a new model of mentorship. We’re living in an age of networks, not hierarchies; knowledge and wisdom is distributed, rather than concentrated among the gray hairs. The new model has to be more flexible and forgiving to allow for the fact that mentorships, like any relationship, come in different flavors and change over time.

Here are two things I liked about the article:

1. Mentoring is framed as a self-initiated activity. I’ve never been a big fan of formal corporate mentoring programs, so by re-thinking mentoring as an act driven by individuals, it seems more organic and therefore more palatable.
2. I strongly believe that a person can learn from a variety of sources, be it someone’s 80-year-old mother or a teenage boy. The key is to broaden one’s definition of “mentoring” to include those random opportunities for learning. “Mentoring” as I see it can last only moments, or endure for years. Either way, accepting the ebb and flow as Kamenetz advises is sound advice.

What have been some of your most valuable mentoring experiences?

This time last year, I published a post called 25 Free Leadership Development Resources, which turned out to be The People Equation’s most-read post of 2010.  Clearly, there’s an interest in free stuff to help develop one’s leadership skills. With that in mind, I went searching again for “free” resources. I’m delighted to present you with 25 more free leadership development resources, this time, even more “free” than the last— you won’t even need to register your email address to get the freebies. (With the exception of the final freebie—that requires an email address.)

Please enjoy this list and pass it along to those who would benefit.

Free Downloadable Research, White Papers, Podcasts

1. 3 + 1 Feedback Planning Form via Sonia Di Maulo at Ready to Feedback  Need a tool to plan your feedback conversations? Download and try the 3+1 Feedback Form.

Bonus PDFs:

•   Are you on Fire to Inspire? Start the Self-Assessment Program today!
• Analyze and keep track of the feedback you receive with the Ready to Feedback Diary!

These three easy-to-use leadership tools are instrumental in helping new leaders and managers lead from within, get to know themselves, respect the people around them, and cultivate trust and collaboration.

2. Hay Group podcasts and vodcasts – Hay Group is a global management consulting firm that’s well-known for its research on human resources and talent management issues. Check out the searchable section in the left-hand column for “Leadership Transformation”.

3. Hogan Assessments – A consulting firm that specializes in high-end leadership development and assessment has a nice collection of white papers. The company comes highly recommended from Great Leadership blogger Dan McCarthy spoke, so I know it’s good stuff.

4. HR Marketer White Papers – Extensive aggregate of white papers from many of the most well-known talent management firms out there.

5. Influence At Work podcasts: -Featuring Dr. Robert Cialdini, author of the highly-acclaimed book Influence.

6. Leader Nation – Best Practices for Conducting a Feedback Meeting – This PDF gives the 10 best practices for conducting a feedback meeting following a 360 feedback survey.

• Bonus: find four more PDFs on 360 leadership assessment at http://LeaderNation.com/Faq

7. Leadership and the Project Manager – offered by Art Petty at the blog Management Excellence. This excellent PDF offers 33 pages of tips for project managers who want to lead their project teams to high performance.

8. Leadership Development Resource Center – this is an online library of leadership research and articles. 

9. Managing People Better Assessment – I was directed to this site by Leigh Steere, fellow Lead Change contributor, who says of this site: “If you manage people, this free tool equips you to look at the strengths and limitations of your current management approach. Each participant receives a personal report with specific guidance on how to manage more effectively.”

10. Mark Sanborn White Papers – more like “information nuggets”, but they are a very quick read and may spark something for you.

11. The Leader Lab’s Portable Guide to Leadership. Written by David Burkus, this is an e-book (PDF) that outlines the history of research on leadership as well as all relevant theories to studying leadership. It makes a great top-line resource for those looking to study leadership at a deeper level.

12. What We Teach | What We Learn e-book – edited by Benjamin McCall , a Leadership Performance Consultant for a major company in the printing industry and blogger at ReThinkHR. This book’s focus is on developing “people” skills, which of course, is at the heart of leadership. It features essays by ten learning and development professionals on how to foster learning—a great read for aspiring or current leaders.

Leadership Blogs   

13. Bob Sutton’s Blog – Author of the bluntly titled No A—hole Rule, and a Professor of Management Science and Engineering at Stanford University, his blog is a stimulating read.  I love his “17 Things I Believe” on the left side bar.

14. Leadership Freak by Dan Rockwell – Dan bills his blog as “helping leaders reach higher in 300 words or less”. He makes good on that promise, creating thoughtful, concise posts that generate robust discussions amongst his readership.

15. Leadership Now – A collection of leadership essays, book lists, multimedia and other resources designed to elevate your leadership ability. Visit their Connections page for even more links to leadership sites—an excellent list!

16.  Linked 2 Leadership – This is a multi-contributor site whose mission is to provide a discussion place for those interested in Leadership Development, Organizational Health, and Personal & Professional Growth.

17. Maximizing Possibility blog – Chris Young, Founder of The Rain Maker Group, features a weekly “Fab Five Pick of the Week” that highlights hand-selected posts about leadership, talent management and employee engagement.

18.  Next Level Blog  –  Scott Eblin is the author of The Next Level: What Insiders Know About Executive Success. Even though Scott’s consulting focuses on executive development, you don’t have to be an executive to glean useful information from this blog. I enjoy reading his blog and always take away tidbits that are helpful. 

19.  One FTE – OK, this one makes me laugh so I’m including it, even if not specifically always about leadership. Written by “Stuart” (a nom de plume, perhaps?), who serves up wry, cartoon-based observations on organizational life. Think “Dilbert”, only in sparse black-and-white icons. It’s a daily dose of humor, a must-have attribute for leaders.

20. Positive Sharing blog – Written by Alexander Kjerulf (aka The Chief Happiness Officer), this isn’t the fluffy Positive Mental Attitude site you might think. He offers science-based observations on the power of positive emotions—something all leaders must leverage to get them through tough times.

21. SmartBrief on Leadership – a news media company that aggregates news from 25 key industries into eight categories, including “leadership”. They also have a great Workforce site. You can also register to receive a daily newsletter on the topic(s) of your choice.

22. Tanveer Naseer – Tanveer, whose blog recently won an award in the category of Top Leadership and Influence Blogs, writes about many human relations subjects, including leadership. His posts are contemplative and always worth the read. Tanveer is a business coach who works with small businesses and entrepreneurs to develop new strategies for growth and development.

23. Your Voice of Encouragement – Written by Meredith Bell, president of Performance Support Systems, a software company that provides professional development tools such as online-coaching support and 360 degree feedback tool.

One-Stop Leadership Shopping

24. Lead Change Group – This is a site that devotes itself to creating community around character-based leadership. You can register for free to join the community. There’s a blog, a section for chatting, and many free resources: links to other leadership sites, free webinars and links to leadership resources.  If you visit The People Equation with any frequency, no doubt you’ve heard me speak of this group, or the group’s founder Mike Henry. I have tremendous respect for the people who are engaged in this community.

The Final Freebie—This One’s On Me

25. If you’ve read this far and are still with me—thanks! I applaud your curiosity about leadership development. The final freebie is one that comes from my consulting company, SkillSource. If you are a leader (or aspire to be one), I offer you the opportunity to learn about a critical leadership skill: listening. You can receive a personalized sixteen-page of evaluation your listening style via Inscape Publishing’s Personal Listening Profile®. It’s a $65.00 (USD) value. All you need to do is send me an email with your first and last name and the subject line “Free Listening Profile”. Then, I’ll provide you with an access code for completing an online listening assessment. You can download your results immediately after completing the response form. It’s that easy!

[Note: With the exception of #25, which references my own consulting firm, I don’t receive any sort of compensation for the parties mentioned in this list. I also don’t specifically endorse any of the services, products or opinions contained within the respective websites, other than to say, “hey, here’s an interesting site, go check it out.”]

Even though I sometimes grow weary of the whole “are men or women better leaders?” debate, I do think there can be value in paying specific attention to the development of women as leaders. Recently, I read a book that offers very concrete suggestions to help women discover their unique talents as leaders. It’s called the Power of Women, authored by Yale psychology professor Susan Nolen-Hoeksema.

From talking with my female colleagues, I know that even though women have parity in many workplace situations, there are still pockets where this isn’t true. Historically, women have not had access to many of the societal levers of power— land ownership, voting rights, marital equality and so on. This has steadily been changing, however, with our ever-increasing entry into the workplace over the past 50 years. We are at a time in history when women are finally positioned for professional success in a way that works for them.

According to Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema, that’s exactly what women should do: change the game by using talents unique to their skill set, honed by millennia of learning to work around the prevailing system. In The Power of Women, Nolen-Hoeksma outlines four key strengths that women bring to “every corner of their lives. . .to get the job done, fix problems as they arise and help people in need.”  She has identified four basic “strengths” and conducted research as to how women apply these strengths differently than men.

When I read the introduction to the book, my initial reaction was that these four strengths were fairly generic and definitely not just the domain of women. To my relief, early in the book Nolen-Hoeksema clarifies that both women and men possess these general skills sets. What sets women apart is that they employ these skills differently than do men. The book aims to give women the insight and tools to leverage their strengths on their terms instead of force-fitting themselves into a masculine format.

Four Ways that Women Shine

1. Mental Flexibility:  Women are very creative in finding solutions, focusing on getting things done, not just on doing things their way.

1. Sense of Identity: Women tend to create identities based on who they are rather than what they do, or what they have.

1. Emotional Awareness:  of themselves and that of others. Women can more easily identify and anticipate emotions than men, allowing them to forecast the emotional consequences of various life situations.

1. Relational Strengths: Women are skilled at understanding others’ perspectives and forming strong social networks that support them during stressful times.

 Don’t Like The Rules? Create Your Own!

True, there are external, societal norms that govern our workplaces.  Many of these “rules” are unwritten and subtly enforced by the predominant culture.  So, it stands to reason that if the workplace culture is dominated by males, then the rules will have a bias toward masculine norms. It’s equally true that these norms have been shifting over the past few decades to include a wider a variety of influences on the workplace culture: gender, ethnic, religious and lifestyle.

Successful women haven’t waited for these norms to equalize; they’ve made do with their circumstances and persevered in spite of them. As author Nolen-Hoekstra says,

 “Rather than focusing on the obstacles to their progress, women deftly go over, under and around these obstacles. They are not concerned with what women should be doing (Have children or not? Be in the military? Be national leaders?) Instead, women are concerned with how women can do anything they want and need to do.”

This message appeals to me: rather than complain about what one doesn’t have, find a way to go out and get it!

Built-In Support Tools

True to her theme of providing support, Nolen-Hoeksema’s book provides a treasure-trove of self-assessments and worksheets to guide the reader on her journey to self-empowerment. Even better, all of the worksheets are available for free via a download from the publisher. 

This book is a very meaty 336 pages, filled with solid research to support the author’s claims and interesting anecdotes about successful women from all corners of the globe and all walks of life. If you are seeking an affirming, yet practical book on making the most of your leadership skills as a woman, I’d highly recommend this book.

What An Interactive Candy Teaches Us About Leadership and Coaching

Christmas time always provides many fun memories and this year was no exception. Santa left Pez dispensers in my kids’ stockings—for the first time. My daughter was very excited to try out her new Pez “toy”.  With my background as a corporate trainer, I’m a big fan of “hands on” learning, so even though I knew my daughter had never operated a Pez dispenser, I had faith that she’d figure it out. I  handed it to her with no instruction. As the video clip below shows, it took her a few tries, but she eventually mastered it.

As my daughter manipulated the Pez dispenser this way and that, trying to figure out how to get the candy out, I realized: Oops! I made some faulty assumptions here. Because I’d learned how to use a Pez dispenser so long ago, I’d forgotten that even the simple act of popping up the head isn’t something people innately know how to do. When I watched the video replay, I was reminded of this: leadership calls us to teach, coach and delegate.  Even seemingly “simple” instructions may be misinterpreted, like when I coached my daughter, “the other way, sweetie” and she did, but still didn’t quite get it right because my instructions weren’t clear enough.

How many times have you handed over a task or a project to a colleague or a direct report, thinking that it was a no-brainer, only to find out that you took something for granted? We’ve all been there, right? There are certainly benefits to letting people figure it out for themselves, but just be sure you haven’t someone up to fail. After all, most projects aren’t as easy to execute as a Pez dispenser.