It’s six days out from last week’s TEDx Grand Rapids event and I’m still processing.

TED events are well-known for their brief, powerful speaker presentations proffering Big Ideas (see my list of quotes from the 2012 TEDx Grand Rapids speakers).  Frankly, A TEDx event can be daunting—such BIG ideas, presented by people with amazing stories and credentials. The crowd is daunting—700 people who had to apply to attend.

It could be easy to feel small in such a sweeping context. Happily, it’s not at all that way . What’s great about a TEDx event is that if you pay attention, you’ll see unlimited opportunities to make a difference. My take-away from this year’s TEDx experience is that making a difference doesn’t always need to be the grand gesture. It can be a simple, yet meangingful one-to-one interaction.

For example, the event organizers showed a TED video clip of Laura Trice who talked about giving praise . . . and how, even though people crave praise, we think it’s not acceptable to ask for it. Laura reminds us, that it is ok to ask for praise. And it’s also super-easy (and FREE!) to give praise. One person can make a huge impact on the life of a fellow human being.

Following this idea of “making a difference” in small ways, I made an extra effort to create meaningful connections at each scheduled break and with all the people seated around me at the Civic Theatre. Here’s a quick run-down of some of my interactions, which shows the diversity of the people one can meet at a TEDx event:

•  Jake – a Kendall College student studying furniture design, who asked me for career advice.
• Jason – a recent WMU graduate, who’s looking to make a difference by going into fundraising.
• Molly – a food truck owner  – The Silver Spork – I gave her tips on how to use Twitter to help promote her business.
• Rick – we met in line waiting for coffee. I read his nametag and said, “I’ve hired you to work for me!” but we had never met in person. He peered at my name badge and said, “You’re right! Nice to meet you!” Three years ago, Rick designed graphics for my blog; up until last Thursday we had conducted business strictly by phone and email. This was our first face-to-face (and completely unexpected!) meeting.

By opening your vision about what it means to “make a difference”—be it simple career advice for a college student or dispensing social media tips to an entrepreneur, you can feel solid in the fact that you are making a difference each day.

You have the power to create connections every day. How will you make those connections meaningful?

You can hear more about my thoughts on creating meaningful connections at TEDx Grand Rapids in this brief interview conducted by Josh Leng on his Live at Five segment for WJRW Talk Radio last Friday.

photo credit: istockphoto.com

I attended my second TEDx Grand Rapids event last Thursday.  The theme this year was “What Now?” and it came alive in such unexpected ways. From innovations in technology and materials, to finding peace in an act of terrorism, each speaker was able to knit “what now?” into his or her presentation. It’s a very thought-provoking question. Every presentation made me ponder “what now?” in a new way.

By the end of the conference, this is where I landed: the presenters were encouraging us to make a difference—in whatever way matters to us. Every day, we should be asking, “What now?” as a way to move forward in an ever-progressing series of small acts to make our world a better place.

Here are some thought-provoking quotes from the TEDx Grand Rapids presenters for you to consider as you ponder your own personal “What now?”

 
Dr. Kristin Tolle, a researcher who works with “the most brilliant minds in the world” to connect them to the most pressing issues around the globe:

“Language is a living thing . . .it changes over time.”

Bill Sabram, professional game designer, on the importance of being able to fail in a safe environment:

“Games let us lose without feeling like a loser. And they let us fail without feeling like a failure.”

Linda Ragsdale, artist and Peace Master, on people who say with resignation, “That’s just the way it is.”:

“No, that’s the way we’ve allowed it to be.”

LZ Granderson, sports columnist, on the injustice of labeling people:

“Why is what people are so much more significant than who they are?”

And finally, from Linda Chorney, Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter who says of TEDx events:

“Its’ not a ‘cha-ching!’ thing, it’s an ‘aha!’ thing.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Linda! Those are my “aha’s”.

Questions for you:

If you’ve been to a TED event, what moments of clarity have you experienced?

Have you considered “What now?” If so, what have you concluded?

 A guest post by Chris Wallace

It’s a tough lesson to grasp when you’re 8-years-old, but sometime during the road to adulthood I finally understood my grandmother’s favorite maxim — “You kill more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

This wise saying couldn’t be more true than in an office environment. Even if you’re a generally rosy person, there’s likely something or someone that bothers you at work. Maybe it’s the graphic designer whose headphones aren’t exactly ‘noise cancelling,’ or a partner on a project who spends more time complaining than contributing productively.

Anger and frustration are natural responses in situations that slow down our workflow or distract our train of thought. When they continue unabated or grow into persistent habits, it’s easy to let ourselves boil over. But however silently we stew, the negative energy we build in response will only serve to exacerbate the situation.

Consider these potential situations at work:

Your Coworker in the Adjoining Cubicle is Unbearably Loud on the Phone

If you’re like me, productivity requires peace and quiet. I struggle to work with constant distractions, so when a new employee with the voice of a play-by-play football announcer moved in next door, it forced me to wear headphones, cranking up the classical music in feeble attempts to drown him out.

After two weeks of gritting my teeth and complaining to my wife, she reminded me to ‘be nice’ and solve the problem. After work, I invited my new coworker out for happy hour. We broke the ice and I learned that he’s a great guy with lots of shared interests. With the situation relaxed, it was easy to bring up my gripe. He was immediately apologetic (I honestly believe he hadn’t even realized) and ever since, I’ve ditched the headphones and we’re fast friends.

A Colleague is Arrogant and Demeaning

There’s almost nothing harder to deal with than stubborn self-assurance, especially in a coworker who belittles people around them. It’s a character trait that feeds off of reactions. When someone talks down to a coworker performing a task for them, they expect subservience.

Don’t egg this tendency on. Even if someone is your superior at work, you’re still there with a common goal in mind. It’s tough, but treat these people with respect and kindness. Be a mirror of positivity, and your good attitude will reflect back onto the person trying to bring you down.

Defusing the Micromanager

Here’s where I’m guilty of being the annoying one — I’m a do-it-yourself kind of guy, and I tend to oversee projects to the point of frustrating people working with me on them. Over the years, I’ve learned that trusting people works far better than staring over their shoulder. If you assign a task, rely on employees to do it well. If you are that employee, your job is to really knock it out of the park. After the project is complete and you’ve proven yourself, don’t hesitate to point out to your colleague that their constant checking up on you wasn’t really necessary. They’ll recognize the good work you’ve just done and establish new trust in you, in part because you were willing to speak up.

The frustrating situations that can arise with coworkers in an office environment are endless (if they weren’t, we’d have far less content for TV sitcoms). Whatever the case may be, address it with a smile. Being positive is not always easy, but it’s contagious when it catches on. And wouldn’t we all rather be happy at work?

Christopher Wallace is Vice President of Sales and Marketing for Amsterdam Printing, a leading provider of personalized pens and other promotional products such as imprinted apparel, mugs and customized calendars. He regularly contributes to Promo & Marketing Wall blog.

This past weekend, my daughter and I spent some time in her room sorting through books she no longer reads. We had three piles: Keep, Donate and Memories. The “Memories” books would be put into storage—they no longer were age-appropriate, but they held sentimental value. As we sorted books, our conversation went like this:

Me: “What category?”

Kid: “Donate.”

Me: <aghast> “What?! But honey, you used to love this book.”

Kid: <disdainfully> “Yeah, Mom, when I was like, THREE.”

My second grader was ready to move on. I was not.

It can be hard to know when to let go. Memories – and the emotions they evoke – are powerful forces for keeping us where we are.

Sometimes, it’s (relatively) easy to make the move – the eight-year-old no longer needs books designed for a preschooler. It was fun while it lasted, but she’s moved on. Now it’s time for her mother to do the same.

Other times, it’s a lot harder.

Are you thinking it it’s time to move on, but aren’t completely sure? Here are ten signs that may be time for you to put your current situation into a Memories box:

1. It’s not fun anymore.
2. You can’t find anything positive to say about the experience.
3. The people you used to enjoy now annoy you.
4. You’re starting to do subversive things like “forgetting” tasks, just to make it interesting and see who notices.
5. The work drains you.
6. You just don’t care, even though you should.
7. The financial benefit of staying doesn’t justify doing so.
8. You’re self-medicating.
9. You’re staying because the thought of leaving makes you feel guilty.
10. Everyone that you care about has already moved on.

There are probably a whole bunch of reasons you can use to convince yourself to stay, but keep this in mind: if you aren’t showing up with your best work, how is that a good thing? Nobody benefits from you hanging on to “what used to be”.  If you know that it’s time for you to make a move, do yourself and everybody around you a favor: make a plan for your exit.  There’s no need to jump ship tomorrow, but making that choice to move to a better place will give you courage to take the next step.

In making this plan, you will be a person of integrity who has set a course for new adventures. Moving on doesn’t mean you forget where you’ve been; it means you’ve given the past its rightful place in your life’s journey.

photo credit: istockphoto.com

When you are asked to do something, does your “yes” really, truly mean “yes”, no matter what? If it means anything other than “Yes!” then you’re not living in integrity. To author Chris McGoff, the definition of integrity is a simple one: “I say what I am going to do, and I do what I say . . . every time.”

McGoff, author of The PRIMES, says that whenever he leads a project, he asks people to live in integrity for the duration of the project. As you can imagine, this makes people nervous. In McGoff’s world, there is no “maybe” or “I’ll try”. Answers to “Did you complete the task?” are either “yes” or “no”.

How nervous would this make you?

Here are three skills that McGoff says all people need in order to live in integrity:

1. Recognize when you have been requested to give your word.
2. Say “yes” only when you mean it.
3. Get very good at say “no” because that is going to be your most common response.

I’ve found that many people are really terrible at saying no. And, if the only two acceptable responses are “yes” or “no” then guess what the default is?

In my experience, here are three reasons people have a hard time saying “no”:

Reason #1- I’ll let somebody down if I say “no”. Yes, you just might do that. But, will you be letting them down any less three weeks from now when you deliver poor results—or even worse, don’t deliver at all?

Reason #2 – This is such a great opportunity, I just have to find a way to do it. “Great” opportunities come along all the time. If this really is a can’t-pass opportunity, you’ll need to evaluate what you’re not going to do so you can make time for this extra work. And, sometimes, other obligations take precedence and you’ll need to let it go. It’s a bummer, but that’s life. You can’t do everything and do it well.

Reason #3 – It’s not acceptable to say “no”. This is the reason I hear most often from my clients. There’s a culture of “both/and” (I hate that phrase) or “do more with less”. My advice: do your best to help the requester understand exactly what you can and can’t deliver and why. For example: “I can get you specifications by Tuesday, but they’ll only be in draft form. That’s the best I can do within this time frame. If I can have until Thursday, I can get you firm estimates.”

We all want to live in integrity—but we might be fooling ourselves about how others see us. Keep in mind that each time you say “yes”, you are making a commitment. And people are measuring your integrity level by whether or not you keep your word. Even though it’s counter-intuitive, the word “no”, when applied appropriately, can help you elevate your integrity.

Most of my ruminations on women and career tend to land over at the Women of HR site. This week, the site is wrapping up a great Women of HR Career Series. My post on the Four Myths of Self-Employment was featured last week. Following the myths theme, here’s a little “bonus track” to go along with the series. It’s loosely based on the reader comments from the article Three Impressions That Keep Women from Advancing by Sally Williamson.

Myth #1: There is a universal definition of career success.

The reality is that there are as many definitions of success as there are women in this world. This is why workplace career paths and formalized mentoring programs often fall short—because they are based on somebody else’s definition of what it takes to succeed at one’s company. The truly successful woman will be the one who knows her inner values and external talents and figures out a way to capitalize on them within her workplace structure.

 Myth #2: Success = a high-ranking title.

 I recently had lunch with a colleague who was in a career crisis. Her company supports a career “lattice” – allowing workers to increase their pay via lateral moves as well as ascending into the ranks of management. However, her boss is very old school and saw my friend’s choice to make a lateral move as a sign that she was stepping off the path of intense career development. She asked me, “Have I just committed career suicide?” In this case, it’s possible that she did. Regrettably, there are still many pockets of society that equate a high-ranking title with career success. There is a subtext to the message that says, “You aren’t a success if you don’t aspire to a ‘C’-level title.”

 Myth #3: Women will advance their career with a mentor.

For years, companies have realized that women weren’t getting access to mentors—so many organizations ramped up mentoring programs. And those programs worked. . .to an extent. According to research conducted by Christine Silva and Nancy Carter of the Catalyst Group, many women have more access to mentors than male counterparts, yet a pay and promotion gap still exist.  Silva and Carter describe a unique form of mentoring: sponsorship. Sponsors are the most senior-level leaders in an organization who will advocate for a high-potential employee. Mentors tend to be mid-level managers who will show a colleague the ropes.   

My advice to women seeking to advance their careers: build relationships with both mentors and sponsors. Mentors will help you learn the daily ins-and-outs of your organization: how to get things done, where the unspoken power sources are. Sponsors will help highlight your talents to the people with the power to help advance your career.

One specific suggestion: make your interests known—directly to senior leaders in your organization. Reach out to them and ask for a 15 minute meeting to learn more about their area of operation or expertise. The women that I know who have the most satisfying careers are those who took the initiative to make known their career objectives—regardless of the job title they aspired to. Sponsors are the ones who know in advance about organizational changes. If an executive knows you want to make a move, say, from internal corporate communications to the newly formed social media team, she’ll be in a better position to recommend your skills.

Question: Do you see these myths being perpetuated in your workplace?

If so, how have you worked to make these challenges a “non-issue” in your career advancement?

photo credit: istockphoto.com

We live in a Midwestern suburban area surrounded by pockets of farmland. When my son was in kindergarten, I chaperoned a field trip to The Critter Barn, an educational working farm with livestock. 

I grew up in a farming community. My family didn’t farm, but many of my friends did, so I’ve seen the inside of a few livestock barns. When I dressed for the field trip, I chose a practical ensemble: durable jeans and hiking boots. Not all of the chaperones had the benefit of my experience. Picture this: most of the women on the trip were smartly dressed in casual capris or shorts—in lightly colored hues. Some even wore flip-flops. It was quite a sight to see them gingerly picking their way through the straw-and-animal-pellet-covered barn floors!

I confess to feeling just a bit . . .smug.

When it came time to feed the baby goats, guess who got elected? That would be me, Jennifer-The-Well-Prepared.

Suddenly, my “wise” choice of clothing didn’t seem so smart. My smugness evaporated as Mary, the proprietor of The Critter Barn hollered, “OK, now, I need you volunteers to go on over to the pen, pick up a kid and bring him back over here for the feeding demonstration.” Sadly, by “kid” she was talking about the four-footed kind, not one of the kindergartners.

Oh man, I did NOT sign on for hauling livestock was my first reaction. With all of the other chaperones looking at me expectantly, it was either back out or woman up. So, I took a deep breath, and walked over to the pen. I hoisted up the baby goat and gently carried the furry, squirming load to the circle of on-looking kindergartners and parents.

It was over in a few minutes. And you know what? It wasn’t so bad. That little guy was actually kind of cute.

That “I did NOT sign up for this!” feeling can strike at work too. Probably not because you’ve been asked to haul a baby goat, but still, the realization that you’re in for some uncomfortable work still stinks.

In our work lives it would be great if all tasks were interesting and all project work was easy. But even in the best of jobs unforeseen situations arise.

It’s in these moments of “what have I gotten myself into?!” that glimpses of our character shine through. Will we beg off, pleading that the goat is smelly? Will we whine and say that we didn’t plan to haul livestock today?

Or will we suck it up and carry the goat?

Update: a few days after I published this post, The Critter Barn announced the birth of quadruplets- that’s a lot of kids!

Today is February 29^th, 2012. Many people are talking today about making the most of the “extra” time that Leap Day offers. If you’re truly going to do that, though, it’s going to take intentional effort to walk a new path, and beyond that, an adjustment of your habits.

Just in time for the “bonus” day, there are two recently published books that provide insight into how to make a difference in your life. I just discovered these books today, so this isn’t a full book review . . . but their focus fits in perfectly with the theme of “starting something new”.

The first book is The Now Effect by Elisha Goldstein. In this book Goldstein, who has a PhD and is a blogger for Psych Central, explores the idea that for humans, there is a “space” in between stimulus and response during which we do have the power to choose our behavior. The Now Effect shows us how we can train our minds to see what Goldstein describes as “the ‘aha’ moments of clarity and choice that are all around us.”

So, we have a choice. No surprise there. So, what’s the main barrier to making that choice?

Think about this for a moment: Did you drive to work today? If so, can you describe what building or other landmark you drove by 5 minutes into your commute? Most likely not, because if it’s a route you take every day, you’ve gone into a sort of “auto pilot” about certain aspects of driving to work each day. (Yeah, scary, isn’t it?) So, the barrier to seeing a new direction and making a conscious choice to change boils down to this:  examining and then changing our habitual behaviors. The ingrained patterns of behaviors that we perform subconsciously, over and over each day, are what make it tough to see alternate choices.

That’s where the second book comes in. Released just this week, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhig is an exploration of the social science of routine. Duhig asserts that a person’s individual behavioral patterns are so predictable that companies like Target can predict when a woman becomes pregnant. The Huffington Post wrote a book review on the book and highlighted the central conceptual model of the book: a three-step process by which habits develop: cue, routine and reward.

Again, the cue-routine-reward is no earth-shattering discovery. That was the main model of my behavioral psychology courses in undergrad. Even if it’s not new science, the book appears to write this in a way that may help someone trying to break out of a negative cycle of behavior.

Chinese philosopher Lao-tzu once said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Even though it’s Leap Day, maybe it’s a step (rather than a leap) that’s in order to get you started on a new path.

Whether it’s leaping or stepping, I wish you luck!

Today is my parents’ 50^th wedding anniversary. We won’t be there to celebrate with them because they are many miles away at their winter home, so the big family celebration will wait until they’re back home this summer.

But they won’t be lonely. They are having dinner tonight with good friends, whom they’ve known for a long time. So long, in fact, that the couple they’re dining with tonight was at the church to witness my Mom and Dad’s nuptials on February 17^th, 1962. Pretty amazing, right?

My parents and “The P’s” have been friends for over fifty years. In this day of transience and disposable everything, I’m so blessed to have the twin examples of a long, happy marriage and an equally extensive amity between four people. Two very different, but equally important types of friendship. Both are worthy of celebration.

Whose friendship will you celebrate this week?

This week marked the 13^th holiday party that I have coordinated or helped run at my kids’ elementary school. I’ve done ‘em all—Halloween, Thanksgiving Feasts, Winter Holidays, Valentines.  It was indeed “lucky number 13” because I realized something on my drive home from school on Valentine’s Day this year:

planning and running a classroom party is akin to being a project leader in the workplace.

Not convinced?

Read on and see just how you can turn those volunteer hours into a learning lab for your professional endeavors.

Personal influence is all you have to make it work. Let’s face it, as the Room Parent you have no real authority. The best you can hope for is that you have a reputation for organizing amazing parties for the kiddos and for being a fun parent to work with. Word gets around— the parents talk and your previous successes will help pave the way for future events. It’s the same for project managers; they have little or no title power. Project managers who use their influence wisely by leading with character and strong interpersonal skills will be the ones who have the most successful project launches.

Recruit the best team possible. This goes back to personal influence. If you’re seen as easy to work with and competent you’ll be able to attract the most talented people for the project. This is true whether you’re a Room Parent or Project Manager.

There’s no one “right” way to run a project. I’ve learned this by watching other Room Parents in action. Early on, I tended to privately scoff at parents who had a different organizational style than me. It’s easy to think that your own way of running the show is the best way. But the truth is, there’s more than one way to organize a classroom party and there’s certainly more than one way to run a company project. Be open to learning from other project managers.

Not all wheels need reinvention. One of the things I’ve learned in planning holiday parties is to take a really successful game and tweak it slightly so it seems different the following year. Rather than starting from scratch on each activity, it allows me time to focus on re-tooling the things that didn’t work the time before. In today’s corporate environment, there’s such a huge emphasis on innovation, it’s tempting to re-imagine every single thing, every single time. That’s not productive.

In the end, it all boils down to satisfied customers. With school parties, it’s very simple: did the kids have fun?  Of course, with project management, it’s much more complex, but the core is the same—did the project outcomes satisfy the customer? During the first few parties I organized, I used to fret about non-essential things.  I worried, was the event organized enough? Did everything come together perfectly? At some point, I finally realized what the core purpose of a school party was—to entertain elementary aged children. Once I got past that, I was able to let go of the extraneous stuff. In the same way, project managers who focus on their stakeholders’ needs are able to keep a balanced perspective of what needs to be done and can set the other “stuff” aside.

So the next time you’re asked to organize a gathering (kids’ party or otherwise), consider saying “yes”. Here’s why: not only will the party-goers have a great time, but you’re building your professional skills as well.