Perfection Messing Up Your Corporate Mojo?

Have you ever noticed how pervasive “perfection” is in our language?

• The phrase “perfect storm” is used to describe a “rare combination of circumstances will aggravate a situation drastically”.
• Last month, ump Jim Joyce ruined a “perfect” game for Detroit Tiger pitcher Armando Galarraga.
• Recently, corporate success coach Ann Farrell ruminated on striving for the “perfect” life.

Perfectionism isn’t limited to solely to our language, either. As a practice, The Quest for Perfect shows up on a regular basis in the workplace, most typically as a byproduct of a company’s culture.

When thinking of how workplace culture shapes employee behavior, a senior leadership work team that I consulted with comes to mind. The team was comprised of the top six leaders of a small manufacturing company and they were grappling with trust issues..  We were working offsite, trying to come up with some workable operating guidelines to ensure a more trusting, productive environment.  At one point, a Vice President bravely stepped out and said, “We are so demanding of each other, there’s absolutely no room for mistakes.” We explored this issue for a few minutes, with several people contributing their perspectives.

Finally, the leader of the team (who held the title General Manager) blurted out in frustration, “Jennifer, you simply don’t understand!  Quality is one of our company’s core values.  We’re at nearly zero defects per million on our products.  We live and breathe perfection. It’s who we are.”

Yes, indeed, Mr. General Manager. Your Culture of Perfection, while admirable for creating superior products, is eroding the relationships of the senior management team.  Our discussion then took a very interesting turn in which I was able to share an alternate perspective on perfection:

Strive for perfection in process and grace with people.

A process doesn’t have feelings, but people do.  When team members demand relentless perfection of one another in the workplace, they create unrealistic expectations for both work output and interpersonal effectiveness.  This is not a call for tolerating mediocrity.  On the contrary, in the workplace people should continually seek process improvement. All the while, they must be mindful: The creatures in charge of the process are human. Mistakes happen.  People misjudge situations.  Tempers flare. As humans, it’s what we do. Expecting perfection in the way humans relate to one another is like expecting every golf game to have a hole-in-one shot. It’s unrealistic.

Back to our struggling leadership team— we invested time defining areas in which “perfection” was an appropriate goal, and situations in which we should encourage a more forgiving stance. We also discussed that pesky gray area of “good enough”. As you might expect, there were varying opinions on when something should be deemed “good enough” to pass inspection— be it a process, a document or an interpersonal relationship.  All in all, it was a fruitful discussion.  Even though we didn’t create the definitive list (there’s no “perfect” list, after all!), we did bring this issue out into the open and develop some perspective around it.

Here’s the rub. . . this company was “successful” by nearly every measure: commitment to its core values, profitability, steady growth, quality products and employee satisfaction.  The company’s culture highly influenced achievement in these metrics. That’s a good thing. Even so, this company still wasn’t perfect. All workplaces, even the highly productive and positive ones, have their downsides because corporate cultures, like the humans that comprise them, are dynamic, influential and yes, sometimes flawed.

The General Manager in my example had his eyes opened that day. He realized that the culture he helped to create, while enviable, still had it drawbacks. His company’s culture of perfection wasn’t so much a problem to be “fixed” so much as it was a dynamic to acknowledge and direct. Leaders of organizations who recognize this and create interpersonal practices that allow some slack are the ones who create vibrant, sustainable corporate cultures.  Imperfections and all.

Photo credit istockphoto.com © Robert Hadfield

Crickets at your team meetings?

So I’m sitting at a large round table, talking with a team of eight senior-level leaders who work for a large corporation.  These are smart, sophisticated people, who have both street cred as field operatives and many years’ experience leading various types and sizes of work groups.  We’re discussing how to ensure that our communications are less command-and-control.  Comments start to flow:

• “We need to be more open-minded”
• “Our younger workforce expects to be part of the conversation”
• “How do we invite more participation?”
• “It’s a more informal process these days….”

Heads are nodding in agreement.  The group is engaged, building on each other’s responses.  Then, one person is brave enough to be the Devil’s Advocate:

“OK, so let’s say that I do all of these things.  I’m asking for input, I’m trying to get them involved. Which, by the way, I think I’m pretty good at.  So I ask for feedback and all I get is, you know, The Crickets.”

To which I inquire— Crickets?

“Yeah,” he says.  “You know—so quiet you could hear the crickets chirp?”

Ah, yes, I do know.  And the other leaders around the table chuckle and nod their heads in understanding.  What leader hasn’t tried to draw out his or her team, only to be met with silence or perfunctory “Nope, we’re all good. Nothing to say.”  While there’s no “truth serum” to get people talking, there are some ways to ensure that your team members will participate when asked.

Think about how you ask the question. Are your questions truly open-ended, or are they statements disguised as a question?  Phrases like, “What’s your reaction to the idea on the table?” and “Who has an alternative idea to offer?” are neutral and invite discussion. If you say something like, “Can we all agree that we need to do XYZ?” or “That’s a great idea, don’t you think?” tend to put the emphasis on your opinions and agenda.  These statements are good for bringing a dialog to a close, but not for creating discussion.

Inspect your consistency. Do you consistently ask for input?  Or, do you only ask on the “easy” stuff—things that don’t take a lot of time to work through?  Leaders who establish a track record of inviting diverse opinions are those who will, over time, get valuable input from their teams. Many leaders say to me, “I’d love to ask for input, but it takes too much time!” This is true; there’s an upfront investment.  Ask yourself, “Will the investment of time upfront pay off in the long run?”  If there is a true urgency and no time for extended discussion, you can still ask for input, but set a clear parameter: “Team, we’ve got a time crunch for this—we can only do a quick 15 minute huddle—what can you give me quickly to be sure we still make a good decision?”

Review your track record of taking action. The biggest mistake that I see from leaders is that they ask for input, (“because that’s our culture—we need to be team-based”) but don’t intend to do anything with it.  If you know you won’t (or can’t) take any action on the team’s suggestions, don’t bother asking.  Of course, you won’t be able to implement all suggestions, so again, set the framework: “I’m looking for 10 – 15 ideas.  After that, we’ll whittle the ideas down to the ones that make the most sense, given our time and budget constraints.”

Do you close the loop? Which of their ideas did you use? Be sure to let them know. Moreover, be sure to let me know if you didn’t use the suggestions—and why.  Be as specific as possible about why the suggestion couldn’t be implemented.  By giving specific feedback now, you can inform the team’s thought process for later, helping them understand the bigger picture issues of budget, strategy, resources, and yes, even organizational politics. This will pay dividends for future “I’d like your input” discussions.

Enjoying the serenade of cricket night-song at home on a balmy evening is a delight.  “Crickets” at your team meetings—not so much. Follow these four simple tips and you’ll reduce the silence at your team meetings.

What’s your favorite dialog-starter?  How do you invite discussion that’s productive and open?

Photo credit: istockphoto.com © Tatiana Popova

I was out early this morning snapping up some bargains at one of my favorite mass-merchandise retailers. In what appears to be a developing theme with me, I overheard another conversation with Human Resources implications. (See my other HR eavesdropping observation here.)

 Overheard:

 Employee: “Do I really need to take two breaks and a lunch today?  My shift is only seven hours.”

 Floor Manager: “Yes.”

 Employee: “Really?  I don’t need all that time.  How about just the two breaks instead?”

 Floor Manager: “Yes, really.  I need you to take both breaks and the lunch. . .” He then went on to briefly explain his reasoning for scheduling her in this way.

 At this point, I started to move away from the conversation, fearing the store’s security crew was probably looking askance at my lingering in the Misses separates section.

 For just a moment, let’s imagine I was the Human Resources Manager for this store and wanted to use this situation for a coaching opportunity. (As a former Human Resources Generalist for a department store retailer, that’s not too much of a stretch.) Here’s what I would say to the players involved in this conversation. In writing, it’s kind of in stilted Corporate-Speak; in real life, it’d be more conversational

 To the Floor Manager: You are to be commended. Thank you for upholding your company’s staffing and HR policies.  From what I could hear, you did so with subtle authority and an appropriate amount of explanation….neither heavy-handing it or over-explaining.

 To the Employee: I admire your work ethic. Please know that there are reasons for the company’s retail floor scheduling. Sometimes these rules are based on labor laws, sometimes they’re based on company policy.  To be consistent, even if you don’t personally need that much time off the floor, we need you to take the breaks.

How would they receive this coaching?  When I had chats like this with Department Managers they were receptive, even if the feedback wasn’t as positive as the exchange shown above.  When working with employees, it depended on the maturity level of the employee— the more mature the employee, the less likely to get the dreaded eye-roll.

So, to my Human Resources readers. . . how do you discuss these types of issues with your company’s employees?  How do you convince them to follow a company policy even if they don’t agree with it?

Ways to encourage diversity on your team beyond race, religion or sexual orientation. 

Several weeks ago, I got an unexpected Skype call.  It was from my long-time client Pete. He was calling from Germany to say “hi” and let me know he’d just landed a new job as Director of Operational Excellence for a large metalworking enterprise. This exciting opportunity has offered a new challenge for Pete: leading a team that’s physically located across four continents. His nine direct reports are spread throughout the U.S., China, Germany and India. Beyond the logistical challenges of varying time zones, Pete now contends with communication issues that are heavily influenced by his employees’ cultural backgrounds.

Pete’s going to succeed at creating a cohesive, high-performing team.  His learning curve will be a bit longer this time, because he’s doing it for the first time with a global work team, but he’ll get there. How do I know? Because I’ve seen him do it repeatedly over the past 12 years.  He’s hired me to consult with him on several projects requiring people-skills development, thus enabling me to see up close how he interacts with his employees. Right now, Pete is working on providing developmental opportunities for his direct reports; that’s why he contacted me.  As he’s thinking through his options, he’s paying attention to the fact that anything he does will also need to acknowledge the multiple national cultures that his employees hail from.

Anyone who’s held a leadership position knows that it’s tough to get an entire team on the same page.  Adding diverse cultural backgrounds only makes it that much harder. Pete does have an advantage because his previous job had him traveling the globe for the past six years. I think his success is going to come from his highly tuned interpersonal skill set rather than extensive cultural awareness. Even though this is Pete’s first go at leading a global virtual team, he’s going to do well because he has a track record of doing the following four things to value diversity.

Change Up the Definition

The basic premise of most corporate diversity initiatives is that creating an inclusive workplace is about honoring all people, regardless of skin color, faith, or lifestyle. Pete goes beyond that notion to the root of the word.  “Diverse” means differing from one another . Notice there’s no value judgment in that definition.  The “difference” is neither bad nor good, it’s just different. By taking this more all-encompassing view of encouraging “diversity” on a team, he removes himself from having to be the expert in all forms of cultural, ethnic and religious norms. It’s not possible, so he doesn’t even try.  But he does come from a place of valuing each and every person for their uniqueness, which is Pete’s second success factor. 

Value Their Uniqueness

Pete is consistent with company policies, but flexible in his interpersonal approach. Even the newest supervisor knows this truth: every single direct report is unique.  So, the key to learning to bring out the best in each contributor is to figure out how to interpersonally “deal” with him or her. Pete has honed his powers of observation. He’s continually assessing, ” Is this person outgoing? Introverted? Which team members thrive on deadlines? Who is embarrassed by public recognition and who loves it?” Pete cares enough about his team members to know these details. This allows him to tailor the “must haves” of company policy in such a way that they fit an employee’s preferred approach.

Encourage a Variety of Viewpoints

The third way that Pete encourages diversity is that he is always seeking multiple viewpoints, both from inside and outside of his team.  He taps multiple sources of expertise to be sure he hasn’t missed something.  He’s open to hearing the “bad stuff” as well as the good. I’ve witnessed people say some fairly inflammatory things in his presence and he has remained calm and open to their opinion.

Be Respectful at All Times

Above all, Pete is respectful. His respect is genuine; it goes beyond the political correctness that sometimes masquerades as respect. That’s why he can get away with saying, “I was raised on a farm in Kentucky; I’m fluent in ‘Kentuckian’ as a foreign language.”  He can acknowledge who he is and where he comes from without it sounding like a put-down to others of similar backgrounds.

Pete’s story demonstrates that you don’t need to have an advanced degree in multi-cultural affairs to be an effective advocate for workplace diversity.  By doing the four things outlined above, leaders ensure that team members are bringing their whole selves to the picture— including, but not limited to, the beliefs shaped by their race, religion, etc. This mindset allows leaders to honor their employees’ diversity yet remain focused on the task at hand: delivering value to the customer.

With a clumsy nod to the Rolling Stones’ classic tune, it appears to be true: since 1987, workers have become steadily less satisfied with their work.  This is according to research results released last week by The Conference Board.  What’s more, it’s not a generational thing: satisfaction is decreasing amongst all ages groups.  While the research summary doesn’t spell out specific reasons for the decline, The Conference Board does say that the current dissatisfaction isn’t solely due to poor economic conditions.

In fact, their research digs into four factors that they call the “drivers of employee engagement”:

A. Job Design

B. Organizational Health

C. Managerial Quality

E. Extrinsic Rewards

OK, guess which one I’m honing in on?  Ding, ding, ding! You got it, “C”, Managerial Quality.  That topic interests me a lot.  Seems that it interests my readers too because the post No-Cost Ideas for Energizing Your Team is one of the most viewed posts on my blog.

In the fall of 2009 there was lot of buzz about “Is HR Dead?”.  Those of us in the HR sub-niche of helping leaders develop could ask a similar question:  “Is Leadership Development Necessary?”  The answer seems to be right in front of us, if The Conference Board numbers are any indication.  It’s not time to throw in the towel yet. 

If you are a leader. . .

If you know someone who is a leader. . .

If you’re an HR practitioner with the power to influence leadership development in your organization . . .

Please, let’s work together to find practical, low-cost ways to improve “managerial quality”. The quality of our workforce and therefore our nation’s productivity, depends on it.

I’m reading the book The Power of Respect by Deborah Norville.  She cites a very interesting study from the journal Motivation and Emotion. In this study, a group of researchers from Reed College in Oregon studied whether one form of praise was more effective than another.  The researchers used two different types of praise: “mastery”, which they defined as praise for specific skills that the research group performed during a challenge and “social comparison”, defined as praise for doing better than the rest of the group. The research was conducted with a group of 4^th and 5^th grade students who were observed completing a series of difficult puzzles.

Norville summarizes the research findings: “The children praised for their efforts and skill (mastery praise) were more intrinsically motivated— that is, they were more likely to do the task for the sheer enjoyment of the exercise.  The also tended to take on harder challenges than the kids who’d been told they were better than their peers (social comparison). As the researchers explained, the mastery praise ‘focused children’s attention on building competence rather than proving it.’”  Norville continues, “Mastery praise communicates the child’s accomplishments in terms of the talent he’s honed and the expertise he’s developed, lasting accomplishments that can be built upon and enhanced in the future.”

As a mother, this information is fascinating and instructive for how to praise my kids.  It also has parallels to the workplace. I’m wondering: how much does this research finding translate to adult workers? Corporate “score cards” that highlight company performance, publishing of sales results broken out by salesperson, and employee performance reviews all have a comparative elements.  Those of us in the performance consulting world like to call this “feedback”.  Yes, it’s a form of feedback—based on comparing one’s performance to someone else’s, or in some cases, a pre-defined corporate benchmark or standard.

Let’s assume that that the results of this particular study are valid and would hold true for adults.  Then the question becomes, how do we use this information to more effectively create a motivating environment for employees? This study looked at the effects of 1-1 verbal praise.  And maybe that’s where the learning opportunity exists—when leaders offer praise to their followers, it needs to emphasize the accomplishment of a specific skill. Perhaps the examples I’ve cited don’t translate, because they are more data-driven.  I’m not convinced, though.  Many people are driven to compete, be it in overt “let’s crush the competition!!!” language, or more subtle “Nah, nah, I do that better than you do” thoughts. How can we encourage people to do their own personal best, without introducing the element having someone else “lose” or be “less than”?  Is that inherent in succeeding, or can the two co-exist?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this one . . .

The other day, I was having a discussion with a training manager named Sally.  Her staff designs training for her company’s field sales force. Sally works for a large organization that has a reputation for promoting from within. Here’s what we were discussing: Leaders higher up in her organization have noticed that when the sales people apply for a Sales Manager job, during the interview process they are often unaware of some of the tasks required of the role.  For example, the sales reps are often surprised at the amount of paperwork required. Or, they don’t have a clear vision of the mix of strategic versus tactical tasks that the role requires.

As we were discussing this, Sally said, “Well of course they don’t have any idea about the paperwork! Why should they?  As a manager, I view my job as shielding them from some of the more tedious tasks of supervision.  I want them focusing on their job, not worrying about what my job is.  Do you think that’s wrong of me? Am I preventing them from information that will help them if they want to get promoted?”

It’s a really great question.  So much is made these days of having leadership that’s transparent.  But how transparent? How much information is too much?  What is it that leaders should be sharing with their employees and what’s best to leave out?  This list could be very long, so let’s just focus on a few . . .

Don’t Share

Confidential or privileged information. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s tempting sometimes to share tidbits with a trusted employee.  Perhaps you need a sounding board, or you’re trying to ferret out the truth about a rumor circulating in a department.  Steer clear of your employees.  This will only blow up in your face.

Your sources.  Along the same lines, if someone gives you some scoop, do not you divulge your source. You erode the trust of the person who fed you the information. The only exception to this is if you perceive someone’s health or life to be endangered.

Maybe Share

Your frustrations as a leader. If done properly, this can help show that as a leader, you’re human too.  This is not about venting every last frustration with your team.  This is about acknowledging, that “yes, the new initiative that senior management has launched seems a bit light on details and yes, it’s going to create massive extra work.  And, yes, I’m confused and annoyed too, but we’re gonna figure this out together.” It shows that you aren’t immune to what can sometimes be a very counterproductive workplace.

The behind-the-scenes life of a leader. For those employees who’ve expressed interest in taking on a formal leadership role via supervision, it might be a good idea to let them in on some of the lesser-known details like performance review administration and the challenges (but not the specifics) of employee coaching/counseling. Leadership expert and practicing corporate Learning and Development manager Dan McCarthy has talked about this both on comments on other blogs and on his blog about how to develop leaders.  His company even goes so far as to have a “So You Want to Be a Leader?” course for prospective new supervisors.

Do Share

Company/Department business information.  It’s amazing to me how many leaders still don’t share the overall department or company goals/objectives with employees in a consistent way.  Just the other day, I had a department head ask me, “I’m thinking of doing an off-site and sharing the company’s overall goals with the employees. Do you think that would be worthwhile?” Yep, I do. Employees need to see how their daily activities feed into and advance the broader organizational goals.

Successes and celebrations.  If you want your people to work as a team, be the first person to step up and call out positive contributions.  Find ways to encourage people publicly and to sincerely thank them. Celebrate your team’s victories, both large and small.  “Celebrations” can be something as simple as a two-minute huddle with the staff to say “good job!” on achieving a recent milestone.

Clearly, for a leader to be fully effective, these lists must be longer.  As a leader, what’s on your Don’t Share, Maybe Share and Do Share list?  If you coach leaders, what do you counsel them in the way of steering clear of TMI—Too Much Information?

Note: this blog post is a collaborative effort between Jennifer V. Miller and Lisa Rosendahl.  We’ve each taken a different perspective on the topic of mentoring. Lisa’s post explores what attributes Human Resource/Talent Managers look for in potential mentors. This blog post explores mentor readiness from a personal perspective, asking: “How do you know you’re ready to be a mentor?”

Throughout my career, I’ve had many fantastic mentors.  My mentors helped me gain perspective, broaden my thinking and develop confidence.  When designing leadership development programs, I often build a mentoring component into the mix because I’ve personally experienced how valuable the process is. 

Companies often have formal mentoring programs and it’s assumed that people of a certain experience level will naturally gravitate towards being a mentor.  But do they?  Not always.  One of the barriers to effective mentoring programs is a good match between the mentor and protégé. Simply having X number of years experience doesn’t equip someone to be an effective mentor.  There’s a certain mindset required.  How do you know when you’re ready to be a mentor?  Let me share a story with you to help illustrate this mindset.

There’s a Senior Vice President (“Barb”) who’s well-known in her company for being the consummate mentor.  Barb believes so strongly in mentoring that she actively seeks out and arranges mentors for all of her direct reports.  So when I was tapped to develop a leadership program for mid-level leaders, Barb was the natural choice to do a presentation on the topic of mentoring.  Her session was a huge hit. During her presentation, Barb talked about how for the first 15 years of her career, she actively sought out mentors and was rewarded with a varied and rich assortment of business relationships because of it.  As she rose through the corporate ranks, she noticed that there were less available mentors. 

One day, Barb had an epiphany—she realized that it was her time to be the mentor.  The student had become the teacher! It wasn’t that she didn’t need any more mentoring; rather, it was that the balance of needs had shifted and it was now her time to give back.

Barb’s experience points to a key milestone in a person’s growth: that moment when it becomes apparent that there resides within you enough wisdom to be helpful to others.  There’s another factor as well: your energy level and desire to mentor others.  In my observation, that’s the “sweet spot” of mentoring— where your wisdom and energy intersect.

Where are you in your life that you can give back?  Surely you have experience, expertise and wisdom in some area that someone will benefit from.  And where’s your energy around sharing this wisdom?  Is it with youth? With up-and-coming co-workers?  With soon-to-be retired professionals entering their “second life”? 

Line up your energy and your wisdom and see what great mentoring experiences result.

One of my favorite experiential activities for management training is an oldie but goodie called the “Boo/Yay” exercise.  In it, two volunteers separately try to guess a per-determined task such as walking to the front of the room and picking up a marker. The audience is instructed to give the volunteers feedback to help them decide if they are moving closer to the task— they are to yell a disapproving “Boo!” to volunteer A and an encouraging “Yay! to volunteer B.

The feedback varies in one other way as well.  For volunteer A, the audience “boos” when the person moves away from achieving the task. When moving in the direction of the correct task, the group will remain silent. Therefore, the message is:

Boo = doing it wrong, need to change course

Silence = doing it right, keep going

For volunteer B, the audience cheers “Yay!” when the person’s moving in the right direction and say nothing when moving in the wrong direction. Volunteer B’s message is:

Yay = doing it right, keep going

Silence = doing it wrong, need to change course.

 When we debrief the activity we ask the volunteers for their reactions: How did it feel to be “Booed?” How did it feel to be “Yay-ed?”  The volunteer who was booed typically says he/she felt demoralized after awhile and tended to hesitate, not wanting to continue to make “mistakes”.  The volunteer who was yay-ed says he/she appreciated the support from the yays.  The silence wasn’t too troubling, because it gave her some space to think and figure out how to proceed next.

This activity sets up a rich discussion for the pros and cons of providing encouragement or criticism. We explore the roles of a manager— to coach, provide feedback and in some cases discipline.  All of these managerial tasks are vital to developing employees’ skills to the fullest, yet the way in which they’re employed will determine the manager’s effectiveness. I encourage managers to reflect upon this question: when you interact with your employees, do they feel “Booed” or “Yay-ed”?

The act of encouraging employees to bring out their best is a nuanced one.  Some employees will view too much “Yay-ing” as insincere cheerleading.  Others have a very high need for feedback and encouragement. The type and amount of encouragement needed may also be driven by generational issues.  Much is being written about Millenial employees’ need to get constant feedback due to their hi-tech, hi-touch upbringing. 

In the end, it comes down to paying close attention to the varying needs of each individual employee.  Pay attention to if your praise was well-received.  If not, consider how you might alter it next time— praise in private rather than public?  More low-key rather than effusive? Written versus spoken praise?

However you employ your encouragement, continually return to this touchstone: are you a Boo or a Yay manager?

So I’m reading Bret Simmons’ post When the Bully Boss is Female . . .

There’s a slight whooshing sound in my brain and all of a sudden time sort of shifts.  It’s the 1970’s and I’m in 8^th grade.  A new family has moved from Chicago to our tiny farming community in Michigan.  They have several children, including an 8^th grader named Sally, who’s reputed to be very “tough” because, you know, she’s from Chicago.  For some reason, Sally takes an immediate dislike to me. At first, it’s subtle— the occasional “bump” into me, the mumbled comments whenever I’m near her. Over the course of a few weeks, it builds—whispered comments and rumors start to swirl—“Did you hear?  That new girl Sally wants to fight Jenni Virsik!”

She wants to fight me?  But I don’t fight.  I’m a Good Girl—cheerleader, studious, and hard-working member of the Reed Middle School track team. So I ignore her increasing slights and comments.  Then, Sally sends a messenger to me directly: “Did you know that Sally Smith wants to fight you?”

“I’m not fighting her” I reply.  And so it continues.

At track practice a few weeks later, it comes to a head.  Sally is in rare form that day, hurling ever-louder insults and threats my way.  Finally, I’ve had enough.  With absolute terror twisting a knot in my gut I get right in her face and shout: “Fine!!! You want to fight me?  Then let’s fight!” (If the phrase “Bring It!” was in vogue back then, I probably would’ve yelled that too.)

For a moment, complete silence. Then, the sound of shuffling as the other girls re-arranged themselves to get a better look at the impending fisticuffs.

Sally takes a deep breath and pronounces, “I would. . . but I can’t” then stalks off.

You would, but you can’t?  That’s it?  That’s the grand finale to this drama?

I learned a very valuable lesson that day— sometimes you need to call someone’s bluff.  True, it may get you pounded into the ground, but it’s the only way to flush out a bully.  Bullies are all bluster and when you stand up to them, you force their insecurities into the light. By standing up to them, you also illuminate one of your most valuable assets: your self-respect.

In the workplace, I employ the “calling the bluff” technique in a more nuanced way with complainers, who are their own special brand of bully.  Complainers can hold an entire department hostage with their rants. One of my favorite ways to get a complainer to shut up is to ask, “What would you like me (or our department or the Big Boss) to do with this information?”  If the complainer has a genuine issue and truly wants to enact some change, she will have something to say after that question.  If she’s just blowing hot air, then she’ll usually mumble something like “well, I dunno, I was just saying. .  .” to which I kindly reply, “Yes, it can be helpful to vent a bit.  If you ever decide to take action and need a sounding board for devising a plan, please feel free to come to me.” This sends the message that I expect some sort of problem-solving approach the next time a complaint is lodged.

Standing up to a bully isn’t easy. But it’s sometimes necessary as a way to protect your own personal boundaries or that of your team.  Please share with me techniques you’ve employed for standing down that workplace bully. I’d love to hear them and bet others would too.