On June 5, 2010, I was welcomed into the  Women of HR community as a contributor.

I can almost hear it all the way from Minnesota.  Polite, yet insistent, it’s Women of HR’s Editor-in-Chief Lisa Rosendahl tapping her foot, waiting.  Jennifer, when will your first Women of HR blog post be ready?

It’s an honor to be a contributor to the newly formed Women of HR site.  So what’s the hold-up? I want the first post to be good. No, I want it to be great, so that it speaks to the nascent readership and inspires them to come back for more. The only “inspiration” I can seem to summon at the moment is writer’s block, so the project goes unfinished, for yet another day.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Finally—inspiration hits. So I draft up a blog post and let it sit for a few days.  I tweak it, add a photo and submit it to the Women of HR site. As I write this, it’s awaiting approval.  Will the article be well-received?  Will it be deemed “great”? Time will tell.

This process has revealed something of a surprise to me: I’ve been looking for an outlet that honors my status as a woman.  In general, I don’t blog about gender issues; it’s not really my “thing”. Yet, when presented with an opportunity to weigh in on women’s issues, it became really important that I produce a quality product. Hence, the foot-dragging around publishing my first post.  So I guess that Being a Woman matters to me. Huh. Go figure.

I want to thank Women of HR founders Lisa Rosendahl, Trish McFarlane and Shauna Moerke for affording me the opportunity to help me find yet another voice. . .that of Jennifer V. Miller, a woman of HR.

Our 5-part series on positive office politics, (The P Quotient) is drawing to a close.  In this final installment, Jane Perdue looks at personal influence, one of four key behaviors needed for a person to be considered politically savvy in a productive way.  

Just tuning in to this fascinating topic?  Start here for the first installment, Politics are Necessary, but Not Necessarily Evil by Jane Perdue at her blog Life, Love, Leadership.

Then, it’s my turn with Networking Inside the Company Walls.

Next up is Mike Henry at the Lead Change Group with Sincerity and Office Politics.

Installment 4 was Susan Mazza on What’s Your Agenda? at her Random Acts of Leadership blog.

Which brings us to the final installment of the series, Influence and Intentions by Jane Perdue. Jane suggests her readers consider their level of personal influence with this question:

Is my word and/or my involvement sufficient to make something happen?

Now that’s a question to stop you in your tracks.  Is the fact that you’re involved in a project enough to get others to join in?  In reflecting on that question, I offer the some follow-up questions:

• Does your track record shine with not only successes, but with recovery from tough setbacks?
• Do people know that when you give your word, you’ll come through?
• If for some rare reason you can’t deliver, will people hear about it as soon as possible?
• Will people listen to your “crazy” ideas because they know that you’ll find a way to make them happen?
• Do you know how to gracefully cut your losses and move on, rather than gripping tightly to an idea so that you can be “right”?
• Do people know that if they follow your lead, they’ll be heard?

If you can honestly answer “yes” to several of these questions, then you are a person of influence. And that, my friends, is what office “politics” should be about.

As part of an ongoing blog series on Positive Office Politics  (follow #OPQ on Twitter), Susan Mazza asks “What’s Your Agenda?” In this blog post, she explores personal motivations and how they show up in the workplace.  She says:

We ALL have agendas. You could say our ambitions, no matter how altruistic or noble they may be, are an agenda.  We also have many underlying personal viewpoints and biases.  Some we are aware of and some we are not.  And they inform everything we think, say and do. 

So true!

As I read this post, I found myself wondering to what degree the label “hidden agenda” or “playing politics” is driven by the trust level between the players involved. For example, let’s say that Pete has a poor track record with Bob when it comes to being forthright. Therefore Bob doesn’t trust Pete to “tell it like it is” and is leery when Bob describes something in vague terms.  Does it then follow that Pete attributes a “hidden agenda” to Bob? Pete may think to himself, “Why doesn’t Bob just come out and say what he has in mind for this project? What’s all the cloak-and-dagger stuff about anyway?”

But has Pete considered Bob’s viewpoint?  Does Bob have a legitimate reason for not being forthcoming? Maybe Bob has a “hidden” agenda, maybe not.  One thing’s for sure—Pete can’t crawl inside Bob’s head and see his motivation.  So, maybe a better optionfor Pete is to pay attention to his own motivations and worry less about Bob’s intentions.  Better yet, Pete could put it on the table and talk about it. “Bob, I’m not sure I’m clear about what you’re plan is.  Would you be willing to give me more detail?”

To Susan’s point, human beings can’t avoid having motivations and ambitions.  We can, however be willing to examine our own motivations and ensure that they are focused on a mutually beneficial outcome. When we make sure our own intentions and motivations are well-placed, we know we can trust our agenda.

As part of an ongoing series on Positive Office Politics, Mike Henry from the Lead Change Group writes a thought-provoking essay on the ties that sincerity and authenticity have to building trust.  Need to get caught up on the series?  Start at the beginning with Jane Perdue’s blog Life, Love and Leadership. From there, check out my post on Networking Inside The Company Walls.  Susan Mazza will be following up next week on her blog Random Acts of Leadership with a post on leadership agendas.

Right now, I’m ruminating on Mike’s essay. As usual, Mike’s provided me with tasty food for thought on what he calls “the trust gap”. He says,

 When a person fakes authenticity or sincerity, they misrepresent their true motives and create a trust gap. 

For people in leadership positions, this gap can have powerful and even tragic consequences.

I’m reminded of a story I heard years ago: a team of firefighters was fighting a blaze in California.  They found themselves surrounded by flames and their team leader told them to build a “fire ring” around them to protect themselves from the encroaching firestorm.  Some of his team members joined him within the fire circle, and some didn’t trust his judgment. In the end, those outside the circle perished while those who joined him inside the circle survived.

Of course, that’s an extreme example of the potential consequences of not trusting one’s leader. Even so, we can use the metaphor to contemplate the notion as it relates to our office jobs. What if we don’t trust our leadership?  What’s the “ring of fire” they’re asking us to step into? If we won’t willingly step into that ring, is it because they lack some form of sincerity?  Is their authenticity suspect?  I’m thinking the answer is: Yes. On some level the leaders haven’t earned their followers’ trust.  And that, as Mike points out, is driven in large part by their ability to be sincere.

The other day, I was talking with a fellow blogger.  We were discussing the types of blogs that have large readerships in the “human” arena: Human Resources, Learning and Development, Leadership, etc.  My friend observed that some of the most popular blogs are those that are “edgy” in some way.  That was really good food for thought—hmm, do edgy blogs draw bigger readerships?

I’m not edgy.  I don’t say things that infuriate, shock or annoy.  That’s just not my M.O.  Even though my personality is fairly intense and direct, my writing style and advice-giving is more on the temperate side.  Maybe it’s from my Midwest roots, or honed from years of being neutral while facilitating workshops, but somewhere along the line, I’ve developed a brand for practical, no-frills counsel. For example, I’ve surprised clients by saying, “Nah, you don’t need my services. You could easily do that in-house for less.”

All of this leaves me wondering, am I the “Sensible Shoes” of the consulting world?

Reputation Management.  Personal Branding. Credibility-Based Relationship Building.  No matter what the name, it all comes down to the fact that your interpersonal behaviors create an impression of “who” you are as a person. Are you reliable? Trustworthy?  Do you get things done?  The people with whom you interact are making these judgments about you based on your behaviors.  This is especially true when meeting people (either in person or via social networking) for the first time.

Stephen Covey is well-known for his use of the term “emotional bank account”, meaning that people’s behaviors either “make deposits” to or “withdrawals” from others’ emotional bank accounts.  Too many withdrawals and you become “overdrawn” with that person.  An overdrawn emotional bank account is every bit as distasteful and energy-draining as a physical savings account with insufficient funds.

Here are the sure-fire ways to quickly deplete my emotional bank account when connecting with me:

• Grab my business card from the table at a networking event and then send me a LinkedIn invitation, without ever having personally introduced yourself.
• Attend a networking event. During the keynote presentation fall asleep and snore loudly.
• When you shake my hand, don’t look me in the eye.  In fact, don’t even pretend to do so.  Look conspicuously over my shoulder, as if scanning to see if someone “better” has just entered the room.
• Send me continual unsolicited invitations via Twitter or Facebook for things I might not be interested in: “join my (fill-in-the-blank) game”.
• Ignore the subtle hint that I don’t want to be your Facebook friend or LinkedIn contact.  One reminder is fine.  Three seems a bit like stalking.
• Live in my neighborhood for 10 years. Rarely speak to me, except when our paths cross directly and there would be no graceful way to avoid saying “hello”.  Then, when you’re out of a job, contact me at my place of employment and ask for “inside scoop” on whether my company is hiring or not.

It always amazes me that when building a personal brand, some people seem to think that they have a large existing account balance with a new acquaintance.  Wrong.  Beyond general social niceties, that account balance is paltry.  You need to make frequent deposits before you can start removing funds from that account.

To add to someone’s emotional bank account, consider doing the following:

• Ask permission to add someone to your mailing list. They rarely say “no”.  If they do say no, then you’ve avoided annoying them.
• When someone presents their business card, take the time to really examine it and make a positive comment on something their card says.
• Respect people’s personal/business boundaries.  Only send Tweets or Facebook updates that are aligned to your contact’s interests.
• Offer to help with no expectation of anything in return.
• Constantly be on the lookout for ways to connect people who may benefit from knowing each other.  Become known as a “connector”.
• Above all, keep your word.  The old adage of “under-promise and over-deliver” never goes out of style.

Do a quick interpersonal banking audit— how does your ledger look?  Overall, are you in the black or the red with your key business relationships?

The other day I had lunch with a colleague.  Sally is a mentor to me and it’s always a treat when we get together to talk shop. At one point in the conversation Sally said, “Do you ever look at someone else and wonder, “They’re so successful [running their business]. How do they do it? They must know something I don’t.” Now, this question coming from Sally was a real shocker to me.  Sally is an extremely confident and successful business owner; her company has earned a string of awards, including Chamber Small Business of the Year. The fact that she occasionally doubts herself after nearly 20 years of running a profitable business was eye-opening. I’d just assumed that by this stage in her career, Sally has it all figured out and that she rarely questions her business decisions.

How naive of me! Sally is human.  So of course from time to time, she wonders if she’s on the right track.  A certain amount of self-checking is healthy. It helps us determine if we’re on target for what’s important in our lives.When we wonder if we’re on course, from what source do we seek guidance– internal or external? I recently blogged about the effects that different kinds of praise have on people’s performance. Turns out that when we receive praise that compares us to someone else’s accomplishments, it’s not as effective as hearing something specific about our mastery of a skill.  No surprise there, but then why do we still compare ourselves to others?   

Some people say Jealousy is a “green eyed monster”.  If so, its evil twin is Self-Doubt and its cousin is Comparison. If someone as accomplished and self-confident as Sally still gets wrangled by these internal gremlins, then imagine what happens to those who truly struggle with a sense of self-worth. Whenever I’m tempted to succumb to comparing myself to someone else, I recall a book review from many years ago. It was 2002 and I was flipping through a magazine at the hair salon.  Marlo Thomas’  book The Right Words at the Right Time was being reviewed.  In the foreword of her book, Ms. Thomas describes a time in her life when she was beset with self-doubt.  She was about to embark on the same career path as her father, the well-known and respected actor Danny Thomas. Many were comparing Ms. Thomas to her famous father and she was afraid she wouldn’t measure up. Her father told her, “Run your own race, baby.”  (See the entire foreword here.)

These words— so concise, so profound, cut right to the core. No matter the external circumstances, it’s our individual race to run.  The race results that matter most are those we judge by our internal compass, not those of our competitors.

On September 8^th, 2009, I accepted Sandra Martini’s 30 Day Blog Challenge.  Simple contest: blog 30 times in 30 days to see what will happen when a person does “one ordinary thing” consistently.  I knew going into the contest that it would indeed be a “challenge”, and not because there wasn’t anything to write about.  I have blog post ideas aplenty. The challenge has been to find the time to write a well-written blog post that’s meaningful to my readers.

Why did I sign up? Guess I was ready for a good challenge.  I’m new to blogging; this seemed like a good way to raise the bar. Today is the last day of the contest and when this blog is posted, I’ll have met the challenge. I feel at once celebratory and relieved. More than once, I was ready to throw in the towel.  A niggling voice in my head whispered, “Is this really worth it?  It’s just a silly self-imposed personal challenge. Nobody will know if you just quietly bail out. And even if they do, does it really matter?”

Why persevere?  If a person gives up and nobody knows about it, is she still a quitter? 

Somewhere along the way, I realized, “Yep, I can quit. Any time I want, with very little consequence. Lives will not be impacted, revenue will not be lost. The only disappointed one will be me.” Luckily, I remembered that my opinion does count for something, even if I happen to be the only one keeping stock. For me, that’s all the more payoff the #30dayblog challenge needed to yield.

Marcus Buckingham wants to teach women how to live a “strong” life.  He says a strong life is one in which you are able to discern the activities which energize you, catch those moments and cradle them so that you feel fulfilled—personally and professionally. That’s a pretty tall order, especially when coming from a man. The irony of his gender aside, Buckingham does a thorough job of exploring the topic and providing helpful suggestions.

Whereas Buckingham’s previous books have explored strengths in a business setting, this book focuses on the nine Life Roles he says women were “born to play”. Readers can log in to his website and take a nifty (free) Strong Life Test to determine their primary and secondary Life Roles.  Buckingham then uses these Life Roles as a backdrop for helping the reader determine where she finds energy, what drains her and how to align this information to create a strong life.

This book was written for women who are struggling in some way. Readers who are feeling drained by the demands of their life or simply don’t think they’re contributing in a meaningful way will enjoy the specific suggestions and framework that Buckingham provides.

I reviewed this book as a member of Thomas Nelson Publishers Book Review Blogger program. (Disclosure: I received a free book in exchange for this review.)

So I’m reading Bret Simmons’ post When the Bully Boss is Female . . .

There’s a slight whooshing sound in my brain and all of a sudden time sort of shifts.  It’s the 1970’s and I’m in 8^th grade.  A new family has moved from Chicago to our tiny farming community in Michigan.  They have several children, including an 8^th grader named Sally, who’s reputed to be very “tough” because, you know, she’s from Chicago.  For some reason, Sally takes an immediate dislike to me. At first, it’s subtle— the occasional “bump” into me, the mumbled comments whenever I’m near her. Over the course of a few weeks, it builds—whispered comments and rumors start to swirl—“Did you hear?  That new girl Sally wants to fight Jenni Virsik!”

She wants to fight me?  But I don’t fight.  I’m a Good Girl—cheerleader, studious, and hard-working member of the Reed Middle School track team. So I ignore her increasing slights and comments.  Then, Sally sends a messenger to me directly: “Did you know that Sally Smith wants to fight you?”

“I’m not fighting her” I reply.  And so it continues.

At track practice a few weeks later, it comes to a head.  Sally is in rare form that day, hurling ever-louder insults and threats my way.  Finally, I’ve had enough.  With absolute terror twisting a knot in my gut I get right in her face and shout: “Fine!!! You want to fight me?  Then let’s fight!” (If the phrase “Bring It!” was in vogue back then, I probably would’ve yelled that too.)

For a moment, complete silence. Then, the sound of shuffling as the other girls re-arranged themselves to get a better look at the impending fisticuffs.

Sally takes a deep breath and pronounces, “I would. . . but I can’t” then stalks off.

You would, but you can’t?  That’s it?  That’s the grand finale to this drama?

I learned a very valuable lesson that day— sometimes you need to call someone’s bluff.  True, it may get you pounded into the ground, but it’s the only way to flush out a bully.  Bullies are all bluster and when you stand up to them, you force their insecurities into the light. By standing up to them, you also illuminate one of your most valuable assets: your self-respect.

In the workplace, I employ the “calling the bluff” technique in a more nuanced way with complainers, who are their own special brand of bully.  Complainers can hold an entire department hostage with their rants. One of my favorite ways to get a complainer to shut up is to ask, “What would you like me (or our department or the Big Boss) to do with this information?”  If the complainer has a genuine issue and truly wants to enact some change, she will have something to say after that question.  If she’s just blowing hot air, then she’ll usually mumble something like “well, I dunno, I was just saying. .  .” to which I kindly reply, “Yes, it can be helpful to vent a bit.  If you ever decide to take action and need a sounding board for devising a plan, please feel free to come to me.” This sends the message that I expect some sort of problem-solving approach the next time a complaint is lodged.

Standing up to a bully isn’t easy. But it’s sometimes necessary as a way to protect your own personal boundaries or that of your team.  Please share with me techniques you’ve employed for standing down that workplace bully. I’d love to hear them and bet others would too.