I’ve been watching reruns of the Ken Burns series The National Parks  on PBS. It’s an in-depth look at the birth and evolution of our country’s national park system.  Called “America’s best idea” by writer and historian Wallace Stegner,  men both famous ( Theodore Roosevelt, John Muir )and lesser-known (Stephen Mather , Charles Young) were called upon to leverage their leadership skills to help preserve our nation’s rich landscape.

The other night, I watched Episode 3 which chronicles the years 1915 – 1919. As I watched, I was struck by the difficulty of the decisions National Parks advocates faced. For example, Stephen Mather, the National Parks Service first director, faced stiff opposition to the idea of naming the Grand Canyon as a National Park.  As an observer 90 years removed from the situation, it seems clear: of course, we should save The Grand Canyon for future generations.  But for those leaders who were tasked with setting aside land for conservation, the decision was anything but easy at the time.

The passage of many years certainly gives the gift of perspective. I’m reminded of my friend Pete’s dad, Wally Smith (not their real names). Mr. Smith was famous amongst his family members for an assortment of witticisms, which over time became known as “Wallyisms”. One of Pete’s favorite Wallyisms related to decision-making. Evidently, when Pete was young and grappling with a difficult decision, he would seek out his father for sage advice.  Pete would present his dilemma to his father, asking, “Do you think it’s the right decision?”  Pete’s father would gravely respond:

“Well, you’ll know in a 100 years.”

Gee, thanks, Dad.

But you know what? Wally was on to something.

Those tough decisions, the ones that keep us up at night— eventually we (or our successors) will  have the benefit of history to help judge whether or not we made the right choice.  But for now, in this moment, we need to decide. Or, perhaps, make a choice not to decide, at least for the time being.  In either case, we must have faith that we know right from wrong, good choices from bad.  We must have the character to stand up for inequities, and to put the greater good before our immediate self interests. This is especially true if we are in positions of leadership that require the stewardship of precious resources.

Which brings me back to the leaders featured in The National Parks series.  The passage of 100 years hasn’t changed the core of what it means to be a leader. Leaders back then grappled with the implications of big decisions, just as they do today.  Sure, there are differences (telegraph vs. smart phones) but the human factors that drive the decision remain largely unchanged. A person with character is a person with character, whether he or she lives today or lived a century ago.

Leaders—are you currently faced with a tough dilemma? Ask yourself: what will my decision mean 100 years from now? Who knows, maybe a Wallyism from the late 20th century will help you set the stage the 21^st century.

Incidentally, I thought this topic would be a fitting one, given that this is The People Equation’s 100^th blog post. Do you have a mentor or family member who’s famous for his or her sage advice?  Care to share?  We’d love to hear it.

Photo credit: istockphoto © DSGpro

Last week, I wrote about a powerful leadership lesson learned when my key project crashed and burned.  People Equation reader Nancy asked about the lessons learned from that experience. Indeed, there were several. But first, the story of “The Institute”, the project that gave me both fits and gifts. . .

Years ago, I joined a Fortune 500, “100 Best Places to Work” company to work in their training and development department as a Program Manager. Three weeks after joining the company, I was assigned to manage a project called the Institute. The Institute was an annual, week-long conference that our company offered to the sales force of its distribution channel. Planning the Institute was an intensive, 10-month project. In addition to coordinating the week’s curriculum with 7 product managers, I also managed the conference planning (meals, facility tours, lodging, etc.)

When I joined the company, preparations for the Institute had already begun. That year, a decision had been made to go with a “Go Back to College” theme—complete with the experience of staying in the dorms. Yes, dorm rooms.  What I didn’t know at the time was that Institute participants were a tough crowd, with more than its fair share of prima donnas.

Think about it:

Prima donnas + dorm rooms = very unhappy campers.

Yep, that’s one “people equation” that doesn’t add up. I questioned the choice and was assured that it would be OK and besides, the contract with the college had already been signed. I was new to conference planning and foolishly, I didn’t trust my inner Voice of Reason, which was screaming, “What professional wants to stay in a college dorm? Super bad idea!” Setting my reservations aside, I went along with it.

Boy, do I wish I had listened to my Inner Voice.

Even though we had publicized that they would be staying in dorm rooms, it was still a shock to the arriving conference participants. Things went from bad to worse as word spread throughout the conference about the ill-equipped accomodations. The anger built upon itself until nothing at the conference was acceptable: the cafeteria lunches were deemed “inedible”, the conferences rooms were “freezing” (or, “boiling hot”) and then there was The Train. As in, “Did you hear about The Train that runs right outside our dorm window in the dead of night? I’m nearly deaf from it!”

The rest of the conference went smoothly, but the unacceptable lodging cast a pall over the conferees’ overall experience.  I spent much of the week doing damage control and trying to appease angry, disappointed customers. At the end of working an 80-hour week, I drove home, exhausted and demoralized.

 So, what did the week from hell teach me?

1. Trust your gut. There wasn’t anything to be done about the accommodations—the contract had been signed and there were limited facility choices for a group as large as ours. In hindsight, what I could have done was a better job of communicating the limited amenities and outlining the conference participants’ options. Instead, I foolishly, adopted a hopeful stance—“maybe it won’t be that bad.” Well, it was bad for many of the conference participants.  If I had listened to my gut, I would have been more proactive in helping manage a non-negotiable feature of the conference that had huge implications for its overall success.
2. Hard work doesn’t guarantee a successful project.  I wasn’t the only one who worked hard bring the Institute to life. It was a true group effort involving at least 30 other co-workers, vendors and external instructors.  I personally put in many 50 – 60 hour work weeks to get the conference up to speed.  Still, even with all the preparation and hard work, it wasn’t the success it could be due to the next learning point:
3. Get clear on who your customers are— all of them. Nearly every project has multiple “customers”; this was a point I didn’t consider fully.  I had been assured that lodging the participants in the dorms would be supported because the owners of the dealerships were supportive.  These were the business owners paying to send the sales people to the Institute.  True, the dealership owners were happy because it cost less, but they weren’t the ones staying in the dorm rooms.  I clearly didn’t understand the expectations of my other customers— the conference participants. They were used to being “wined and dined” and treated like V.I.P’s. Staying in a dorm room was not going cut it.
4. It’s OK to fail. Big-time failure leads to better things. This was the first time in my professional career that I had failed so publicly. In the moment, it didn’t feel like there was anything positive about the Institute experience.  In the years since the Institiute, I’ve learned that mistakes and set-backs can be instructive, if you let them. It’s easy to play the victim, dwelling on the bad rap you’ve been given. Truth be told, I spent the first couple of weeks having a pity party over the failure. Then, I slowly began to assess the project: what could I have done better? By objectively analyzing the project, I was able to improve it for the next time  I managed an Institute.
5. Perspective comes, but only after the pain has subsided. As we were cleaning up after the Institute had ended, I turned to our stalwart administrative assistant Lillian and groaned, “I’ve never been so glad to have a project be over with!”  Lillian matter-of-factly, replied, “Well, sometimes projects just don’t always go the way you want them to.” I was taken aback.  Lil and I were good friends and she is a very kind person.  Couldn’t she feel my pain?  Didn’t she stand right next to me while people ranted and raved about the nasty room accommodations?  Well, yeah she did.  And, she had 25 + years’ life experience on me.  Lillian knew that there could be much, much worse things that could happen in my life, so in her book, a failed work project wasn’t really all that much to get worked up about.  At the age of 29, the botched Institute was a monumental deal to me.  Today, not so much. But that perspective can only be gained with the passage of time.

These five learning take-aways have served me well over the years both personally and professionally.  I would never advocate that someone botch a project just for the benefit of learning something. However, when something does go south, I wish for you the strength of self-examination and the support of wise people so that you may grow from the experience.

Readers, do you have an “Institute” of your own to share?  What’s your list of “lessons learned” look like?

Have you ever led a high-visibility project that has crashed and burned? I have and it taught me a powerful leadership lesson. Read on . . .

The Back Story

Many years ago, shortly after I joined a Fortune 500 company, I was assigned to manage a project called the “Institute”. The Institute was an annual, week-long conference that the company offered to the sales force of its distribution channel. Planning the Institute was an intensive, 10-month project. In addition to coordinating the week’s curriculum with 7 product managers, the project also required full conference logistics planning (meals, facility tours, lodging, etc.) on the part of the Project Manager. It was a huge undertaking.

Lessons Learned— the Hard Way

So, why did the project go so badly? In a word: expectations. I didn’t fully understand the expectations of my customers (the conference participants), and as a result, there were some very angry, disappointed (and vocal!) people in attendance. It was a nightmarish week as I struggled mightily to appease demanding customers and keep the conference logistics on track.  Not everything was a train wreck, but the aspects deemed “unacceptable” by many of the group were enough to cast a negative vibe on the entire conference. At the end of working an 80-hour week, I drove home, exhausted and demoralized. I wondered what the following Monday would bring . . . reprimands from my boss? A demotion?

Astonishingly, my boss did not reprimand me.  She had managed a few Institutes herself and was therefore able to take the incident in stride. So, I took inventory of the very difficult lessons learned and then did my best to put the assignment in the past.  I also breathed a sigh of relief—the Institute project was a grueling assignment, and therefore it was rotated amongst the four Project Managers on my team. It would be someone else’s problem next time around.

A Second Chance

Fast forward two months. . .  

It’s time to start planning for the next Institute and the team is discussing who will be the project lead.  My boss Mary tells me I will be the project lead for the next Institute. Wait— no! That’s not how it’s supposed to work. I’m panicked.

In private, I pleaded with Mary to assign someone else to the project. I told her I didn’t have it in me to endure the intensity of that project for a second time in a row. Mary looked me straight in the eye and said, “Jennifer, you need to manage this project again, because you need to prove to yourself that you can do it—and do it amazingly well. I know that the next Institute that you manage is going to be a success.”

At the time, being told I had to manage the Institute for a second time in a row seemed like a huge punishment. In retrospect, I now see if for what it truly was: a gift. It was a chance to redeem myself. Mary gave me the opportunity to prove to myself that I had what it took to manage a complex, demanding project. And, I’m proud to say that seven months later, I hosted a highly successful, well-attended Institute. It wasn’t easy getting to that point, but without Mary’s decisive leadership action, I wouldn’t even have had the chance to do so.

A Leader’s Choice

When projects go awry on a team, a leader has several choices: coach, reprimand, or remove. In my case, it would have been easy for Mary to “remove” me by assigning the Institute project to someone else. After all, that was the standard procedure and I was clearly not interested in jumping in again. However, Mary knew that if I didn’t get “back on that horse” immediately, I would forever doubt my ability to handle such a large scale project.

How leaders respond to mistakes or failures on their team shapes the way team members will respond to challenges. Team members who know that there will be “hell to pay” if something goes wrong will play it safe. I was trying to “play it safe” by not managing the Institute again. Luckily for me, Mary didn’t buy into that mindset. Mistakes happen and savvy leaders know that in order to get the best out of their people they need to create a culture that allows a bit of room for the occasional slip-up.

A little bit of redemption goes a long way.

Leaders: Fearless or Reckless?

In his book Linchpin Seth Godin draws a distinction between the words fearless and reckless. Fearless people, he says, are “unafraid of things one shouldn’t be afraid of.” They push through any imagined “threat” to make a presentation to a difficult customer or conduct a challenging conversation with an underperforming employee. On the other hand, reckless people “rush into places where only a fool would go. Reckless leads to huge problems, usually on the boss’s dime. Reckless is what led us to the mortgage and liquidity crisis.” [p. 64, Linchpin, 2010]

When it comes to leadership, it’s easy to look at these two words and think, “well, of course reckless leaders are a liability in our workplaces/schools/government. Why even bother with the distinction?” Reckless behaviors lead to bad organizational and financial outcomes. Clearly, it’s not a desirable leadership trait.  I wonder: have some leaders gotten the two words mixed up? Many leaders may strive for “fearlessness” (as defined by Godin) but in the process, have they crossed over to the “dark side” and into recklessness?

Let’s take corporate America, for example. In the workplace, some like their leaders much the same way they enjoy Starbuck’s Italian Roast blend: strong and bold. It’s the archetype of the hero-leader: a man on a horse, leading the charge. And, if you’re to believe Jason Seiden, he has a good head of hair too. (Listen to the HR Happy Hour’s Leadership Show for more on that interesting sidebar.)

For the moment, let’s set aside the debate on whether hero-leadership is what companies need. That’s an entirely different discussion. What if you work in a company where the culture values boldness, drive and charisma as desirable leadership traits? If you are in this situation, then Godin’s distinction becomes useful.  There’s a very thin line between fearless and reckless.  With today’s relentless pace and constant pressures, crossing that line becomes tempting.  Company cultures that promote leadership risk-taking without the counterbalancing forces of good judgment potentially set up the ultimate drawback: in the quest to doing something ground-breaking, leaders will take risks that are long on bravado and short on good sense.

So, how can a leader push those boundaries without being pulled into recklessness? It comes down to exercising sound judgment that’s aligned with one’s values.

 Faced with a decision that tempts recklessness? Ask yourself:

• Will my actions stand the light of day— would I be proud to have them reported in the Wall Street Journal?
• Who will be harmed by this action— physically, financially or emotionally?
• Who else besides me benefits from this?
• What part of this am I doing for the accolades. . .  or the adrenalin rush?
• Am I willing to stand up in front of an audience (employees, shareholders, Congress) and take the hit for any consequences that may arise from my actions?
• Does this action line up with the company values? Does it line up with my personal values?
• Do I have the courage to speak up with there isn’t values alignment?

“Pushing boundaries” certainly fosters growth and innovation— up to a point. Smart leaders realize when they are approaching the out edge of positive ROI and courageously resist going beyond it.  This “push back” against unwise choices, driven by pressures of the day, is fearless in and of itself.

Are you fearless?

Photo credit: istock.com © Joggie Botma

When I was a kid, struggling about going for a new opportunity my mom would say, “What’s it hurt to ask? The worst they can say is ‘no’.”   

Same message by Dan McCarthy of Great Leadership in his post Career Advice Part 4: You Have to Ask for It. . .

 . . . and then again last week when I attended a fantastic Gaining Mind Capture presentation by Tony Rubleski on asking your best clients for referrals. . .

 Then last night I got the following DM from Erin Schreyer :

She’s referring to my article featured on the Forbes.com site (“above the fold”, no less!). This article came about after I made a pitch to the Deputy Editor of the online magazine.

See a theme here? It’s about making the ask.

Now, if you got back to Dan’s blog post and read the comments, you’ll see push back from people doubting that you’ll get something just because you asked for it.  People saying that simply asking doesn’t do any good and that it’s just an exercise in futility.

Here’s what I’m thinking about that:

• If you don’t ask, you’re increasing your odds of not getting what you want.  See GL Hoffman’s brilliant “He Ain’t Coming, Folks” to lay it out plain and simple.
• It’s about timing—I “made the ask” of the ForbesWoman editor after spending time following and being involved in the same social media platforms that she frequents.  I built credibility before asking.
• And (thank you, Mom)—so WHAT if they do say no?  You can choose to figure out a new strategy for getting what you want. Or, you can simply move on.  Either way, it doesn’t have to destroy you.  It’s just “no.”

What are you wishing for, waiting for, hoping for? What’s out there that may, just may be within your grasp if you are willing to make the ask?

Awesomely Simple by John Spence

Book Review:
Awesomely Simple: Essential Business Strategies for Turning Ideas into Action

By John Spence

In the introduction to his book Awesomely Simple, author John Spence declares: “everything in this book is from real life: you’ll find no fluff, no grand theories, no intellectual back-flips.” Readers who want complex organizational theories or a rigorously annotated bibliography will have to look elsewhere.  Spence promises a comprehensive roadmap for ensuring organizational success and he delivers.  To get the most out of this book, you’ll just have to trust that Spence knows what he’s talking about, based on his track record as a successful business owner, strategic consultant and guest lecturer at many prestigious universities.

Spence’s premise is that organizational effectiveness is simple, but not necessarily easy to implement.  He offers up his Six Principles of Business Success:

• Vivid vision
• Best people
• Robust communication
• Sense of urgency
• Disciplined execution
• Extreme customer focus

The above list isn’t ground-breaking. It’s common sense, which Spence acknowledges readily.   In fact, he says that the ideas set forth in his book are “largely common sense, but not common practice.”  Spence asserts that if companies consistently practice all six business principles, they will be far ahead of their competition because most only can manage to be good at just one or two principles.

This book has real “meat” to it.  Spence has a way of presenting the information very clearly, with just enough detail that the reader can envision doing what he suggests, rather than feeling overwhelmed.  That’s quite a feat considering the book tackles very broad subject matter.

I would highly recommend this book to:

• C-level players of small to mid-sized companies
• Leaders in Strategic Business Units of large companies who have the authority to affect organizational change
• Leaders in any organization who want to improve their leadership effectiveness, even if they don’t have ability to implement all of Spence’s ideas

Awesomely Simple is ambitious in its scope, yet pragmatic in its recommendations.  Read it and let me know what you think—which of these Six Principles can you implement in your organization?

[Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book as part of the review process.]

Our 5-part series on positive office politics, (The P Quotient) is drawing to a close.  In this final installment, Jane Perdue looks at personal influence, one of four key behaviors needed for a person to be considered politically savvy in a productive way.  

Just tuning in to this fascinating topic?  Start here for the first installment, Politics are Necessary, but Not Necessarily Evil by Jane Perdue at her blog Life, Love, Leadership.

Then, it’s my turn with Networking Inside the Company Walls.

Next up is Mike Henry at the Lead Change Group with Sincerity and Office Politics.

Installment 4 was Susan Mazza on What’s Your Agenda? at her Random Acts of Leadership blog.

Which brings us to the final installment of the series, Influence and Intentions by Jane Perdue. Jane suggests her readers consider their level of personal influence with this question:

Is my word and/or my involvement sufficient to make something happen?

Now that’s a question to stop you in your tracks.  Is the fact that you’re involved in a project enough to get others to join in?  In reflecting on that question, I offer the some follow-up questions:

• Does your track record shine with not only successes, but with recovery from tough setbacks?
• Do people know that when you give your word, you’ll come through?
• If for some rare reason you can’t deliver, will people hear about it as soon as possible?
• Will people listen to your “crazy” ideas because they know that you’ll find a way to make them happen?
• Do you know how to gracefully cut your losses and move on, rather than gripping tightly to an idea so that you can be “right”?
• Do people know that if they follow your lead, they’ll be heard?

If you can honestly answer “yes” to several of these questions, then you are a person of influence. And that, my friends, is what office “politics” should be about.

It’s great when a fellow blogger inspires me to get revved up on a topic. And so it is with Mary Jo Asmus’ series on the role that employees should play in helping their leaders improve.  Last week, in response to her post “Bad Manager or Flawed Human?” the discussion on her blog was lively.  She followed it up yesterday with “Dialog with Your Manager”.

Mary Jo feels strongly about this topic.  She firmly believes that employees must “own” part of the process—they must be willing to step up and give feedback to their bosses.   She writes,

“Many of us want to be able to turn to one another in our communities and workplaces with dialog that will further the healthy relationships that help us, our leaders and organizations, to grow. How can this happen if we don’t take some personal responsibility for addressing the behaviors of managers that harm us and ultimately destroy  “the greater good”?”

I feel strongly about this topic too.  In an ideal world, we’d all be big boys and girls and would willingly and skillfully engage in productive conversations for the greater good.  As I mentioned on MJ’s blog, we don’t, however, live in an ideal world.

So how do we move towards that ideal?  It’s a matter of helping people be willing and able.

Willingness: Assessing the Reality of the Threat

I believe employees want to help make their workplaces better.  The reality of actually doing something about it makes people nervous. It’s like there’s this big, gray unknown territory in between what they know should do and are actually doing. If employees’ default response is “it won’t do any good” to provide feedback to their boss, then they conclude that inaction is the best choice.  Perhaps they believe that “something bad” in will happen: the boss will yell or there will be retribution of some sort.  Speaking up is like stepping up to a dark abyss and deciding to jump.  Scary.  And fear doesn’t typically foster risk-taking. So first, we need to help employees achieve the desire to move from “wishful thinking” (“I wish my boss would…”) to actually engaging their boss.

Those of us in mentoring or coaching roles (internal or external, formal or informal) must help our colleagues assess how real the threat is.  I find that people often exaggerate the perceived outcome.  “I can’t approach my boss.  Are you kidding me? He’d blow a fuse!” Or, “No way, I don’t want to get fired!” My colleague Bob Anderson calls this “Makin’ Stuff Up”.  People imagine an outcome that is possible and turn it into something (in their minds, at least) that’s probable.  Then they decide not to act because they perceive that the risk is too great.

Questions to help evaluate the reality of the threat:

• To what degree are you comfortable approaching your boss with feedback?
•  Have you ever given your boss feedback before? How was it received?
• Consider the nature of the feedback—is it highly sensitive, or something fairly benign?
• What’s the worst thing that will happen? How probable is that worst-case scenario?

Even if employees are willing to give feedback, they are often unsure of how to proceed. That brings me to the second point: once employees decide to act, they must possess the proper skills to do so.

Ability: How To Give Feedback That Helps?

Even the most well-intentioned feedback won’t have positive results if it’s poorly delivered. Giving feedback to someone higher in the food chain is daunting.  Equipping employees with a few tools to do so  helps them have a “recipe” for what to say.  My favorite definition of feedback is: “Information that lets people know whether or not their actions had the intended impact”. By positioning feedback as “information” the feedback giver keeps the conversation neutral in tone.

People need to know the basics of giving feedback:

• Describe what you observed. Keep it specific.  Only describe something you personally heard or observed.  Otherwise, it’s just hearsay.
• Express the impact it made. Talk about how that behavior made you feel, or the business impact it had (increased mistakes, decreased communication).
• Ask for a change in behavior, if applicable. Say something like, “In the future, would you consider…”

Keep in mind that people have become conditioned to the phrase “I have some feedback for you.”  They may noticeably tense in preparation for what they’re about to hear.  That’s OK.  As long as they are willing to listen and the feedback giver follows the “recipe” above, the conversation has begun.  It may be bumpy and awkward, but it’s a start.

What’s Your Role?

What’s your role in this?  If you’re a leader, what are the ways you encourage feedback?  If you’re a team member, how do you work up the courage to give feedback to your boss? I agree with Mary Jo’s assertion that workplace dynamics won’t improve if we don’t talk with another and assume some measure of risk. The question is, how willing are you to step into the abyss?

Now, here’s something you don’t see every day:  a company CEO sitting in the firm’s break room playing cards with his frontline employees. 

Or do you? 

This is the question I’ve been pondering for awhile after I witnessed this exact scenario at a client’s headquarters a few weeks ago.  After making a few discreet inquiries with other members of the management team, I discovered that this is not unusual for the company’s CEO, Pete.  “Oh, yeah, Pete will do that every so often.  You know, to get the pulse of things going on” said one Vice President.  Here’s another thing that I noticed: it wasn’t some awkward “I-have-to-mingle-with-the-rank-and-file” scene that could have been straight out of The Office. Both Pete and the employees seemed very at ease with this activity, as if, (gasp!) they actually enjoyed hanging out together.

So how does Pete do it?  How does he create approachability?

1. He creates ways for employees to gain access to him. Playing cards is just one way he stays in touch with his workforce.  For example, he has regular “Lunch with Pete” gatherings, and he has a true open door policy.

2. His ego is an asset, not a liability. Pete knows he’s at the head of this company’s food chain. He wields this power with care and only when needed, such as making the final call on organizational strategy after having listened to a variety of perspectives.  

3. He packs his own lunch. Literally.  The day I saw him playing cards, he had just pulled a steaming container of leftovers out of the microwave.  This has a humanizing effect that telegraphs to the employees: “Pete is down-to-earth (like us); he even brings his own lunch”. It also sends a subtle message about frugality and corporate resources.  If the CEO is willing to eat leftovers rather than dine on $100 lunches at a fancy bistro, then he’s probably going to spend the company’s money wisely too.

4. He genuinely cares about his fellow employees. He takes an appropriate interest in their lives outside of the office, knowing the names of kids, spouses and other significant events in the employees’ lives.

Are you a leader in your organization?  How do you create approachability with your co-workers?  Even if you don’t play cards with your employees, you can still create an atmosphere that encourages respect amongst each other and open communication.

The other day I had lunch with a colleague.  Sally is a mentor to me and it’s always a treat when we get together to talk shop. At one point in the conversation Sally said, “Do you ever look at someone else and wonder, “They’re so successful [running their business]. How do they do it? They must know something I don’t.” Now, this question coming from Sally was a real shocker to me.  Sally is an extremely confident and successful business owner; her company has earned a string of awards, including Chamber Small Business of the Year. The fact that she occasionally doubts herself after nearly 20 years of running a profitable business was eye-opening. I’d just assumed that by this stage in her career, Sally has it all figured out and that she rarely questions her business decisions.

How naive of me! Sally is human.  So of course from time to time, she wonders if she’s on the right track.  A certain amount of self-checking is healthy. It helps us determine if we’re on target for what’s important in our lives.When we wonder if we’re on course, from what source do we seek guidance– internal or external? I recently blogged about the effects that different kinds of praise have on people’s performance. Turns out that when we receive praise that compares us to someone else’s accomplishments, it’s not as effective as hearing something specific about our mastery of a skill.  No surprise there, but then why do we still compare ourselves to others?   

Some people say Jealousy is a “green eyed monster”.  If so, its evil twin is Self-Doubt and its cousin is Comparison. If someone as accomplished and self-confident as Sally still gets wrangled by these internal gremlins, then imagine what happens to those who truly struggle with a sense of self-worth. Whenever I’m tempted to succumb to comparing myself to someone else, I recall a book review from many years ago. It was 2002 and I was flipping through a magazine at the hair salon.  Marlo Thomas’  book The Right Words at the Right Time was being reviewed.  In the foreword of her book, Ms. Thomas describes a time in her life when she was beset with self-doubt.  She was about to embark on the same career path as her father, the well-known and respected actor Danny Thomas. Many were comparing Ms. Thomas to her famous father and she was afraid she wouldn’t measure up. Her father told her, “Run your own race, baby.”  (See the entire foreword here.)

These words— so concise, so profound, cut right to the core. No matter the external circumstances, it’s our individual race to run.  The race results that matter most are those we judge by our internal compass, not those of our competitors.