Are You a Good Host?

by Jennifer Miller on September 23, 2009

in Communication, Personal Effectiveness, Social Media

Do you have a friend who’s an excellent party-giver?  What is it about him or her that makes it so?  Is it the fantastic food? The diverse guest list? An excellent home that provides the perfect backdrop for gatherings?  It could be any of these things, but I’d bet the one thing that’s for sure is your friend is an excellent host. She ensures that all of her guests feel welcome and that they are comfortable in their surroundings.  She’s in tune for who’s feeling a bit out of place, or who needs a nudge to get the conversation started.

Good hosts are natural “connectors”—“Bill, have you met Jane?  Jane works with me on the Finance Committee for Junior Achievement.  Jane, Bill was telling me about a great financial software package we might want to consider installing. . .” Good hosts are adept at seeing how people may have similar interests; they’re comfortable taking action to draw these people together. It’s sort of like working a jigsaw puzzle: which pieces naturally fit together?

I find that adopting a “host” mindset is especially helpful when networking.  Let’s look at a few examples:

  1.  When attending a face-to-face networking event, imagine that the event planners have asked you to “work the room” as an ad-hoc host.  Scan the room for people who seem to be looking for someone to talk with.  Introduce yourself.  Talk with that person for a few minutes, then see if the two of you can find yet another person to connect with.  All the while, be looking for a point of commonality between the people you’re meeting.  Mention those points of connection, “Steve, Pete was telling me that he’s also interested in learning more about Linked In….”
  2. Are you using a social media platform?  These platforms make it easy to connect people of common interests.  I’m always on the lookout for people whom I think would have an interest in meeting.  On Twitter, for example, I’ll send a public tweet such as “@JaneSmith have you met @SallyReynolds? You’re both in HR/ Atlanta area.”
  3. Is there a way for you to help others find mentors?  Chances are, you know both a wise person with great advice to give and a person who could use that developmental opportunity. Check in with both parties and if they’re interested, broker a meeting.  Attend the meeting, acting as the host to get the ball rolling.

The great thing about cultivating this host attitude is that it pays both immediate and long-term dividends. Sure, it feels great to help out a lonely-looking person at the beverage table. But even more importantly, you are building a reputation of being a person who thinks beyond him- or herself; one who sees connections and capitalizes on them to the benefit of all involved.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Mike Henry September 23, 2009 at 6:47 pm

Jennifer, well said. Leaders make others feel empowered to do whatever it is that needs done. In the social media world, hosting, actively connecting people is a leadership quality. It isn’t about who you know, but who you’ve helped. You’ve helped me a bunch and I appreciate it.

Jennifer September 24, 2009 at 6:43 am


How insightful- I hadn’t considered being a good host as a leadership function. Thanks for expanding my thinking! Now I’m seeing a broader palette for the host concept: mentoring, career development and coaching.


Pam Wyess September 24, 2009 at 11:12 am

Love this idea, Jennifer–the more you know about others, the easier it is to make those connections. And you’re absolutely right–this is a gracious way to help others, but it truly does position you (the host) as the consummate networker–someone I can count on to answer the question, “Do you anyone who…?” Win-win for everyone. Great post.

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